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A series of blonde jokes
BLONDE JOKES
This beautiful blonde is speeding through town when a police officer pulls her over. The cop
says, "May I see your license, please?" The blonde looks puzzled, and asks what a license is.
The cop answers by saying that she had to take a written test, a drivers' test, and then, if
she passed, she got a little piece of paper with her picture on it, encased in plastic.
"Oh, I think I've got one of those." So the blonde digs in her purse and pulls out the
license. The officer goes back to call it in. A minute later, he returns and asks for her
registration.
"What's a registration?" she asks.
"When you purchase a car, we send you license plates, a sticker and a little pink piece of
paper with the model of the car on it."
She stops and thinks about it for a minute, then says, "Oh, I think I have one of those,"
and she digs in the glove compartment and produces the registration slip. The cop goes back to
the squad car and calls it in.
A minute or two later, the cop comes back with his pants down and his rod hanging out.
"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to take a breathalizer test."
Two blondes were walking along and came upon some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like
deer tracks."
The other blonde replied, "No, they look more like moose tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
What's the worst blonde joke of all time?
Dan Quayle.
We have a blonde where I work who is so dumb, she thinks Manual Labor is a Mexican.
Did you hear about the blonde who had a hysterectomy so she'd stop having grandchildren?
Did you hear about the blonde who was two hours late getting home because the escalator got
stuck?
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night studying for her urine test?
Did you hear about the blonde prostitute who didn't vote?
She didn't care who got in.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean glass?
Did you hear about the blonde who only smelled good on the right side?
She didn't know where to buy left guard.
Did you hear about the blonde housewife who was mad at her husband because he was out
shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them?
Did you hear about the blonde who lost her mind?
She worked in a whorehouse for 6 years, and then found out the other girls got paid!
Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery store because she heard they
had free delivery?
A blonde is outside when the garbage man comes up the driveway, and inquires, "Any garbage
today?"
The blonde answered, "We'll take three bags."
Q: Why do blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their heads from side to side as they say "I don't
know." whenever they are asked a question.
Q: How do blondes commit suicide?
A: They put spikes on their shoulder pads.
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain her every Monday.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I hope it's mine!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped to shreds.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say before she left for a date?
A: If you're not in bed by 10, come home.
Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A: To see what's on the other side.
Q: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: How are blondes like turtles?
A: When they're on their back, they're screwed.
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's, and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.
Q: What do you call 22 blondes standing in a row?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see one.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been UFO sightings.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would hit the ground first?
A: The brunette; the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: Why don't blondes like pickles?
A: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar.
Q: What is a blonde's mating call?
A: Oh, I'm sooooooo drunk.
Q: What is a brunette's mating call?
A: Have all the blondes gone home?
Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What does a blonde say first thing in the morning?
A: Are all you guys on the same team?
Q: What does a blonde say in the morning?
A: Who are you guys?
Q: What do you get when a blonde dyes her hair black?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100--1 to stir and 99 to peel the M&M's.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde has used your computer?
A: Whiteout on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if she has been back to the computer?
A: Writing on the whiteout.
Q: What do Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and smart blondes have in common?
A: They are all make-believe.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their bras?
A: Tits Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.
Q: How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How is a blonde different from the Titanic?
A: You know how many men went down on the Titanic.
Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
A: They heard that under 17 wasn't admitted.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing out the W's!
Q: What do four blondes have in common?
A: Nothing they can think of.
Q: What does a blonde say after making love?
A: Thanks, guys.
Q: What is the best protection against rape?
A: Dye your hair blonde--no one "rapes" a blonde.
Q: What do most blondes have against condoms?
A: Their cheeks.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-n-sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: The winner of the Hide and Seek game.
Q: What do you call a circle of blondes?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What goes, "VROOOM, SCREECH.....VROOOM, SCREECH..... VROOOM, SCREECH.."
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.
Q: Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
A: They keep falling out.
Q: If you have 3 blondes sitting on a couch, how do you know which one is the cock sucker?
A: The one spitting feathers.
Q: What happened to the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q: Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?
A: To take a bubble bath on Sunday.
Q: How can you tell when you're in bed with a blonde man?
A: It's not hard......
Q: What do you call a blonde virgin?
A: An ugly 3rd grader.
Q: What do you call 3 blondes in a swimming pool?
A: An air pocket.
Q: What do you call a blonde driving a car?
A: An air bag.
Q: How does a blonde screw in a lightbulb?
A: With lubricant. (But how does she get in the lightbulb?)
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract men?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought her typewriter was pregnant?
A: Seems it kept skipping periods.
Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked "Please spell your name?"
A: "Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E."
Q: Why do you take a blonde shopping with you?
A: So you can park in the Handicapped zone.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100--1 to screw it in, and 99 to say "I can do that!"
Q: What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have little Black Boxes.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: A 747 only goes down occasionally.....
Q: Why don't they give blondes coffee-breaks?
A: It's such a pain having to retrain them all the time.
Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Look, daddy, doughnut seeds.
Q: How do you know when a blonde is having her period?
A: She can't find her pencil, and a tampon's behind her ear.
Q: How come the blonde had a square chest?
A: She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
A: shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave.
Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Ade?
A: They can't fit 2 quarts of water in the little package.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: Because that's where you wash vegetables.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
A: Gets dressed and goes home.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her neck warm.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: What did the blonde call her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: How is a blonde like Jello?
A: They both jiggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
A: Because the box said 2 to 4 years.
Q: If Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde were standing together
and someone dropped a $100 bill in front of them, who would pick it up?
A: The dumb blonde; there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, or a smart blonde.
Q: What is the difference between Big Foot and a smart blonde?
A: There have been confirmed sightings of Big Foot.
Q: If a blonde, an ex-wife, and an attorney fell out of an airplane, which one would hit the groundt?
A: Who cares?
Q: What do a blonde and a postage stamp have in common?
A: You lick 'em, you stick 'em, and you send 'em on their way.
Q: What's the difference between a miniature circus and a group of blondes?
A: The circus is an array of cunning stunts!
Q: Why don't blondes breast feed their babies?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her an enema.
Q: Why didn't the blonde have any ice cubes for her party?
A: She lost the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who won a gold medal?
A: She was so proud that she had it bronzed.
Q: Why does a blonde prefer tilt-steering?
A: More headroom.
Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes standing on a corner?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
Q: Did you hear about the only job for blondes at the candy factory?
A: Proof-reading the M&M's.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Friday.
Q: How does a blonde screw in a lightbulb?
A: She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Q: What do blondes and cowpies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A: A rebel without a clue.
Q: Why did the blonde have bruises around her navel?
A: Her boyfriend was blonde, too.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
A: Her husband died.
Q: Why can't blondes fart?
A: They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
Q: What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
A: The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the routes.
Q: What do blondes and computers have in common?
A: You never appreciate either until they go down on you.
Q: Why don't blondes like vibrators?
A: It's hard on their teeth.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: One is a busy ditch.
Q: What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: What do you see when you look deep into the eyes of a blonde?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you get on a trampoline.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Red means stop.
Q: Why did the blonde get on the roof?
A: She heard that drinks were on the house.
Q: Why do blondes tattoo their zip codes under their belly-buttons?
A: They want to get the male to the right box.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces herself, gets up, and goes home.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: So they have somewhere to put their legs.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short skirts?
A: They're afraid their balls will show.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
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