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Why Beer is Better than Men
86 REASONS WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A MAN
1. A beer makes life easier.
2. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
3. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.
4. A beer doesn't want to watch pro wrestling.
5. A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're
not hungry.
6. A beer will never leave dirty socks on the floor.
7. A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot
IT makes.
8. A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.
9. A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.
10. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less
complaining.
11. A beer won't leave you for a younger woman.
12. A beer won't leave you for a younger man either.
13. You don't have to worry about getting AIDS from a bisexual beer.
14. Having a beer can't make you pregnant.
15. A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
16. A beer will never smell like a man.
17. A beer doesn't wouldn't trade you in on a sports car.
18. If a beer did have a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.
19. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.
20. A beer doesn't sulk.
21. A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine.
22. A beer won't switch the TV channel.
23. A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.
24. A beer doesn't snore.
25. A beer can't interrupt.
26. A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburator.
27. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
28. A beer doesn't belch.
29. Or fart.
30. A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
31. A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
32. A good beer is easy to find.
33. Tall, dark, good-looking beers are common.
34. A beer can't pout.
35. A beer doesn't have a mother.
36. A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.
37. A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.
38. A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
39. A beer won't even mind if you have another six pack.
40. A beer doesn't buy everything labelled "turbo".
41. A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.
42. A beer will be there for anytime of the month.
43. A beer doesn't want children.
44. A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.
45. A beer isn't ready until you're ready.
46. If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.
47. A beer can't talk about the women who had it before you.
48. Hangovers go away.
49. A beer tastes good.
50. Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.
51. A beer would never leave hair in the bottom of the bathtub.
52. A beer is never late.
53. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
54. A beer's life does not revolve around the world series.
55. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers'
quarterback.
56. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
57. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
58. A beer never needs a shave.
59. You don't have to let a beer win.
60. A beer doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.
61. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you
have to sleep with a beer too.
62. A beer doesn't have morning breath.
63. A beer never wants to go to the drag races.
64. A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.
65. A beer helps with the housework.
66. A beer will never drink the last beer.
67. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
68. You can't get herpes from a beer.
69. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
70. A beer always lets you read the Sunday comics first.
71. A beer is seldom messy.
72. When a beer is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.
73. After you've had a beer, all you're committed to doing is
throwing out the container.
74. A beer container is recyclable.
75. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
76. A beer will NEVER call you "Babe". Or "Sugar".
77. A beer is never tempermental.
78. A beer will never complain about your cooking.
79. A cold beer is a good beer.
80. A beer is not kinky unless you want it to be kinky.
81. A beer will never worry about losing its hair.
82. A big, fat beer is nice to have.
83. A beer is never too sensitive.
84. A beer won't steal the covers.
85. You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.
86. A beer won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for beer.
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