|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Really inane stuff! Funny as hell
From a computer file in Seattle ... really bad stuff.
All true excerpts from the slushpile at "Isaac Asimov's Science
Fiction Magazine."
***********
(Note: spelling, punctuation, and syntax are all as in the
original.)
Weston was known for the firm but genital hold he had on his men.
It was one of the reasons he was chosen for this mission over six
other equally qualified men.
Freddy was in the habit of staring at Beverly's legs as they peaked
from her Susie Wong slit dresses. She had a dozen of them.
"Something must have happened, since it's not like her to come back
naked and not aware of anything."
Out of the dark void came what looked like a giant rabbit followed
by small rabbits which had looked as if they had undergone a
mutation with three ears and 2 tails. They discovered they were on
Rabbitania.
The eyes of the braver animals ran down my neck and spine.
"Bastard! I shall severe your soul."
The afternoon was very calm but consolidated. The birds were
singing but were not blithesome.
He groped in his trousers and came up with a dirty piece of trash
which I thought he'd just throw away.
"Stand slow!" a voice rang out with hollow ubiquity.
When I thought of the poetics of such a confrontation in the
blackness of eternity, I laughed sardonically, in a dry voice, to
myself.
"Good morning, Anna, Lovely maid," Logo said in a soft voice bowing
slightly, "How nice to see your structured form again today."
The two naked bodies, which were lying beneath the satin sheets,
were no longer the people whom everyone, who was anyone, knew
whenever reality was in existance.
"Oovil snetch," he growled in his mind.
My shouted words were lost in the damp chill, and my legs were
already beginning to bale out, filling my shoes quickly.
The willowy king stood tehre with his usually sick disposition.
From the faint light in the hallway, his yellow glaring cat eyes
pointed at him.
Kildo threw his waning arms around the large granite boulder.
Miles looked deep into those clear blue eyes who's debts were
infinite.
"Be good," he called after her as he bit back the tears in his
eyes.
Sudenly, all the eyes in the room rose from their fixed positions
on the floor to stare at him.
Mona was on the liquilounge, her dark eyes pouring over him like
warm jello.
John wasn't at all surprised at the transformation of his body into
what he believed were light waves.
Fearless, as he was dumb, he walked over to the edge of the ship.
"Are the shields contoured to the ship" the computer asked
breathlessly.
He is an idiot, I said venomently to myself. I paced the damp
stone floor, nervously squeezing my hands together. I circle the
machine, which shone like a crystal lettuce of pyrite.
[from a cover letter] This story is basically about a prince who
is required to go through a ritual of kingship. The cleansing
ritual involves a dunking of the boy in a soybean oil bath set at
350 degrees. It is a sentimental piece with an ending that is left
open for a sequel.
...I am well qualified to relate a tale of science fiction since I
have always been of a fictitious nature.
We had walked on his lunch, which consisted of a hot dog smothered
in so much sauer kraut the bun ws soaked and started falling apart.
[from a synopsis] His physical condition supports little, if any,
life.
His heart started thumping from his stomach.
The horse and rider that paused to savor the New England sunset,
could not notice how they diminished the scenery around them. They
towered far beyond any equestrian monument of Michelangelo.
The moment they entered the guest room, Delilah moved lithely to
strangle Shirley.
The universe is a vast region of deep mystery steeped in antiquity.
"Do you want to come over and have a gunfight?" I asked. He seemed
a bit loath to answer.
They were human in every way but they owned the necks, heads,
facial expressions were that of a chicken.
"Ejaculations aside, that's one hell of a package to swallow!"
Of course, his eyes couldn't help but embrace the pool in front of
them.
Jake was not a man to show much emotion, but he found himself
supressing the urge to smile out loud.
Ashala's head felt like vermicelli slowly slipping off the platter
of her sholders.
A pool of surpressedd sweat started building under his forehead.
Kincaid was an older man with sparse grey iron hair.
And he was damned attractive physically, too. When she looked at
him she felt...unusual.
Having sex with Becky had nothing to do with survival, no matter
what the horny, insatiable woman claimed.
Instinctively, without thinking about it, he grabbed the woman and
hugged her and then gave her breasts a couple of playful pinches.
"Commander please," she said as she blushed and began yodeling.
Bucking and snorting like some psycholdelic bronco the man had all
he could do to keep his pecker from detaching from his midsection
and assuming an orbit some excessive distance from the
circumference of the planet.
He gazed at what appeared to be an invisable column coming from an
infinite distance.
Onion oil! I couldn't imagine anyting worse than a daily bath in
onion oil.
He was tall, thin and bony, like a cadaver trying to remember
something, what was it? oh yes! I'm dead, I shouldn't be walking
around like this.
There would not be many more darknesses before Lyra became a
guardian, and if sheh was going to keep hes promises that she would
still boil boldy as a guardian, sheh might as well practice.
Talan gestured at the controls. "Overheating of the glycgroms in
the thermoperamulator. You know how it is."
She is powdered, painted, and tearful, playing again one of her
greatest rolls.
The man spoke a foreign tonuge to them which they followed with out
question.
The faces of the children were tear stained and pained Zone Paw to
move on.
Are you going to go up t her and say, (you have to pardon me I'm
form another planet, Let's get together for a life spand.)" The
dwarf came back strongly. (all punctuation, etc., *is* correctly
rendered.)
"Marry me my beautiful moonlight Luna to this sun-born, non-stop
make and viola!"
It seems occasionally events occur which had they not happened no
one would imagine they could.
It ws a planet spinning around Proxima Centauri, an Earth like
planet covered with an average of two miles of water.
Jesus, Jake wondered, why they have waited another ocupple of
months before rekindling their old hatreds? Didn't they realize
that North America was now made up of feudal baronies and city-
states loosely liked by various central allegiances?
On Nov. 29, 2083 the object wold hit. It's antimatter would
interact with ordinary matter on Earth and there would be an
explosion with the incredible force of 1000 megatons. New York
City is doomed!
"Corporeal, we've got to do our best to keep this from the public."
"I know sir, but its already too late." What do you mean, the
general inquired? "While you were gone I let a curious private in
on the secret." "We've got to stop him." By now he's long gone.
Sorry sir." "Oh no."
He saw the cute way her curly hair floated on her head.
Kree's voice grabbed my heart from behind.
A large serf of joy rode under Lisa's face.
Sublimely, this time, and just by feel, light was even dimmer
inside the war machine than merely beneath the overhang that had
been gutted out for it keeping its resplendency restrained.
Despite the different meanings conjured up in each other's head
when the other spoke he knew that in this instance his image was
hers.
Then his head, which supported his bushy brown hair, turned to look
at his sister.
It was kind of bazaar for him to see his sister holding the arm of
a semi-automatic machine gun.
Most people who have seen Dr. Robinson describes him as a strange
looking man with coal black hare and a a coal black mustache.
My lips drew back in a savage frown.
His face was fully of craggy relief.
I caress her cheek. She shutters.
He whetted his lips.
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
