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The 1989 ACLU Follies (a musical play by the ACLU)

The following is the libretto of the 1989 ACLU Follies
produced by Bob Hirschfeld. It was performed in
Flagstaff AZ on 4/15/89 and the College of Law Great Hall at
Arizona State University on 4/22/89. Although copyrighted,
it is posted as a text file on the AZ Civil Liberties Union
Bulletin Board (BBS) (602-271-9357 300/1200/2400 N81) for
your interest and enjoyment, and to encourage your
attendance at the next annual ACLU FOLLIES.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ARIZONA CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION
11th ANNUAL
CIVIL LIBERTIES FOLLIES
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"PHANTOM OF THE ACLU"

Produced by Bob Hirschfeld

Directed by Ray Currie

Choral Direction by David Forsyth

Character Performers
JUSTICE STANLEY MANSFIELD - Frank Jeffries
GOVERNOR ROSE BOUFFANT - Alice Bendheim
RED JIMENEZ - Tom Rogers
MIKE D. CUCKOO - June Meitz
LIBBY - Ethel Harris
PRESIDENT THEODORE TUSH - Gene Kadish

STEVE TWIST - Robert Bautista
DAN QUAYLE - Frank Brinkman
SENATOR FOGBOTTOM - David Forsyth
STEWARDESS - Diane Harris
AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI - Frank Kadish
PETER MACDONALD - Bryce Matte
JOHN TOWER - Paul Matte
EVAN MECHAM - Jane Rein'l
FAA INSPECTOR - Ken Sambell
TAPDANCER - Selma Targovnik

And Jerry Nolen as ???

"THE TUSHETTES"
Terese Forsyth
Diane Harris
Valerie Saunders
Kate Searle

And the Rest of the Chorus.....
Virginia Freeman
Mary Ann Fitzpatrick
Starr Bryan
Linda Moore
Rivko Knox
Art Felsinger
Diane Targovnik

Piano: Paul Matte
Percussion: Jason Harris

Properties: June Meitz

Concept and Performance Script
by Bob Hirschfeld
Gratefully acknowledging the creative input
of Don Peters

1989 Writing Team
Alice Bendheim, Diane Frank, David Forsyth,
Ellen Fuller, Ethel Harris, Bob Hirschfeld,
Cora Inskeep, Beth Luey, Bob Meitz,
June Meitz, Don Peters, Jane Rein'l

Copyright © 1989 by the
Arizona Civil Liberties Union
All rights Reserved

For information concerning scripts, readings,
performances, audio and videotapes contact
Arizona Civil Liberties Union, 2021 N.
Central, Suite 218A, Phoenix AZ 85004

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

PROGRAM

ACT ONE
Page
HURRAY FOR ACLU 1
The Ensemble

HIGH HAIR 1
Alice Bendheim

PHOENIX SLEEPS TONIGHT 2
Frank Jeffries, Alice Bendheim, Ensemble

THE CAMPAIGN KEEPS ROLLING ALONG 3
The Ensemble

FREE SPEECH LOVERS FROM HELL 3
Tom Rogers

TURN THE OTHER CHEEK 4
"The Tushettes":
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

STILL LIBERAL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS 5
Ethel Harris

THINK OF IT 5
Ethel Harris

PLANE FRIGHT 6
Frank Jeffries and Ensemble

PICKET LINE 1989 6
"The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

BUILD US A STADIUM 7
The Ensemble

ACT TWO

AYATOLLAH'S COMING TO TOWN 8
"The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

SMITE THE OFFENDER 9
David Forsyth

ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN 10
Frank Kadish

HEY, JEWS 10
Bob Hirschfeld

IT'S A CHRISTIAN NATION 11
Tom Rogers

ADVICE TO GEORGE 11
"The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

GOD SAVE THE PRES 12
The Ensemble

READ MY LIPS 12
Gene Kadish

HOME IN TEXAS 13
Gene Kadish

OH, JOHNNY 13
"The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

HANG DOWN YOUR HEAD, JOHN TOWER 14
Paul Matte and the Men's Chorus

NO LUCK FOR A PAY RAISE 15
Linda Moore and the Women's Chorus

S & L INFIRMARY 16
David Forsyth

THE PRESIDENT'S HAND PICKED VP 17
Frank Brinkman

A-C-N-E 18
Frank Brinkman

BUILD US A LASER DISH (Reprise) 19
The Ensemble

PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN 19
Ethel Harris

ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH CENSORS (Reprise) 20
Ensemble and "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

WITHOUT AN EVIL EMPIRE 20
Virginia Freeman, Tom Rogers, Gene Kadish

SYMBOL OF FREEDOM 21
Ethel Harris

HURRAY FOR ACLU (Reprise) 21
The Ensemble

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
1989 ACLU FOLLIES: PHANTOM OF THE ACLU
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

HURRAY FOR A-C-L-U
(Bob Hirschfeld, 1989; Hurray for Captain Spaulding-Groucho's Theme)

Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Protector
We fear no Phantom's Spectre
For we know rights from wrongs!

Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights expander
Yes, we know goose from gander,
We'll make right all that's wrong!

Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Defender
Gives Race and Creed and Gender
Equality in Law!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Governor Rose Bouffant (Mofford):
HIGH HAIR (Don Peters, 1989 "High Hopes")

When they threw out Ev Nincompoop
In I came through some legal loop
Some say the next time folks vote
Rose's petals will droop.
But I've got high hair
I've got high hair
I've got Mount-Everest
Twenty mile in the sky hair.
And there's a Governor under it
Hear me thunder it
Make me gov'nor once more!

CHORUS:
Oops there goes another governor
Oops there goes another governor
Oops there goes another governor
(Spoken) Out the door.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PHOENIX SLEEPS TONIGHT (Bob Meitz, 1989 "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")

Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals
The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals

In the desert, the sizzling desert, we finally stole a team
(spoken) More or less.
And it boosted, it really boosted, our flagging self-esteem

Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals
The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals

We've been dreaming, so let's start scheming to get ourselves a dome
(spoken) A federal dome!
Then the Superbowl, yes the Superbowl game will call us home.

Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals
The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
The Cardinals, The Cardinals

Hear the secret, don't fear the secret, keep Phoenix in the dark,
Hide the laser, the giant laser, beneath the giant park.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(Re: Dukakis Campaign 1988)
CAMPAIGN KEEPS ROLLING ALONG
(Cora Innskeep 1989: Caissons)

Over hill, over dale, as he hit the dirty trail
And the campaign went rolling along
The support for him shrank as he rode off in that tank.
While the campaign kept rolling along.

George said hi-hi-ho, the low road we will go,
Michael answered slinging mud is wrong
So he said "no tanks" and he kept on firing blanks
As the campaign went crawling along
JUS: On its belly
As the campaign kept crawling along

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FREE SPEECH LOVERS FROM HELL
(Don Peters, 1989)

I drive in a pickup truck and I work for a buck
That says "In God we Trust"
CHORUS: We trust.
I want my kids to be born again
Not doped up, knocked up, or bussed
CHORUS: NOT BUSSED
I guess I'm in favor of free speech
As long as you don't overdo her
But my pickup will seize and hell's gonna freeze
'Fore I'll be an ACLU'er.

I bet they call each other comrade
I bet they meet in a cell
Those card-carrying, atheistic, left wing
Free speech lovers from hell.
From hell.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by "Ev Mecham":
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK (Don Peters 1989;
So Long, been good to Know Ya)
Solo:
Some voted against me, I know every name
But heavens, life is too short to lay blame
Let's put it behind us and start out anew
As soon as we've decapitated a few

Chorus:
Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them

Solo:
And I don't mean the ones on my face.

To my friends I remarked, Folks, now that I'm leavin'
I say don't get mad, let's simply get even
Let's pray for our foes though we cannot respect them
And wish them the best after we vivisect them, yes....

Chorus:
Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them......

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
STILL LIBERAL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS (Ellen Fuller 1989)(Still crazy
after all these years) (Paul Simon)

I met old Mo Udall on the Street last night
Seems so glad to see me, I just smiled
So we talked about some issues
And we drank ourselves some beers
Still liberal after all these years.

I ain't the kind of gal afraid to socialize
I seem to lean on old left-wing ways
And I ain't no fool for movie stars
That whisper in my ears
Still liberal after all these years.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
THINK OF IT (from Phantom of the Opera; Bob Hirschfeld 1989)

Think of it, think of the glory,
We can all achieve!
Think of it, we'll tell a story
Will the Pres believe?

How Arizona can become
The site of Football's greatest game,
With fed'ral money flowing
We'll never be the same.

I don't care if he's Republican
Or if he ran the C.I.A.,
Our President must give us
[A] Dome in which to play!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PLANE FRIGHT (Leaving on a Jet Plane; Don Peters 1989)

All my bags are crushed, I'm ready to go,
Some bomb is probably timed to blow,
The ground crew's out on strike, the pilot's high.
One engine's dead, the tail just fell,
a door drops off, but what the hell
The P.A. says its time to say goodbye......

(Chorus) So bless us and pray for us
It's up and away for us

I want my bonus mileage, 'fore I die

(Chorus) We're leaving on a jet plane
Don't know how we'll get down again

Solo: Oh Gosh, I hate to fly!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PICKET LINE 1989 (Alice Bendheim 1989 - "Do Not Forsake Me")

Do not mistake us, Frank Lorenzo,
We will not go away --
Do not mistake our dedication
Today . . . .

We will not fly for Eastern Airlines
As long as Frank Lorenzo stands
For he is just a union buster,
and like Custer,
It's his last stand

So if you want to take a journey,
To good old Washington, D.C.,
To get your superdome collider,
Take a glider,
But DON'T FLY ME!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
BUILD US A STADIUM (Anvil Chorus; Bob Hirschfeld 1989) (*) = Anvil
Phoenix is World Class, yes Phoenix is World Class
And we have the teams that can prove it to you.
Devils and Card'nals, Suns they're all World Class
Our days as a small fry, thank heavens are through.

CHORUS:
Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
for Car-(*)dinals (*) to play (*) in (*)
Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
to show (*) the world (*) we're Phoe-nix (*)(*)

Phoe-nix (*)(*), Phoe-nix (*)(*)
We - know - who - we -are....
We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

Su-per-bowl touchdown, so you won't much frown
The pub-lic gets bread and then and then circuses too.
Jocks, let us all stand, leave culture a wasteland
The Romans, like us, through their sports greatness knew.

Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
for Car-(*)dinals (*) to play (*) in (*)
Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
to show (*) the world (*) we're Phoe-nix (*)(*)

Phoe-nix (*)(*), Phoe-nix (*)(*)
We - know - who - we -are....
We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
AYATOLLAH'S COMING TO TOWN
(Beth Luey 1989 - Santa Claus is Coming)

Soloist #1:
Oh, you'd better watch out,
Satan Defy,
Better not write,
I'm telling you why,
Ayatollah's coming to town!

Soloist #2:
He's making a list,
Checking it twice,
Khomeini will say
Who's naughty and nice,
Ayatollah's coming to town!

Trio: #1,2,3:
He knows what you've been thinking,
He knows what books you've read,
He knows what books you buy and sell,
So you just might wake up dead!

Soloist #3:
So, you'd better watch out,
In hell you might fry,
If you don't hate Rushdie,
I'm telling you why,
Ayatollah's coming to town!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SMITE THE OFFENDER
(Don Peters 1989 - "The Impossible Dream"

AYATOLLAH:
To smite everyone who offends
To see every heretic dead
To know that a blaspheming writer
Will soon be detached from his head

This is my dream
And how my heart glows
To know that our death squads
Will find Allah's foes

Anywhere
Yes no matter how hard
We can reach San Diego
We'll thwart Scotland Yard

Nevermore shall an Infidel's pen
Make a blot on my prayer
He who blasphemes shall die first, and then
Let the reader beware!

And the world
Will be purer for this
That one man
Near his end and unwell
Still strove
With his last ounce of passion
To send wayward thinkers
To hell!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by Ayatollah:
ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN
(Don Peters version 1989; Once in Love with Amy)

ASSASSIN: (Still carrying Automatic Weapon:)

Once in league with Satan
Always in league with Satan
Gunpoint confessions
Don't merit concessions
They just say what you want to hear.

To have theocracy we must be narrow
Straight arrow, and shrill
'Cause once you let another view get going
It's so hard to kill.

Once we start to censor
And to be death's dispenser
We must be consistent
Til they're nonexistent
So close your eyes and think of Iran
Then fire off as many bullets as... you... can!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by Jewish Emigre trying to get into Israel:
HEY, JEWS
(Bob Hirschfeld, 1989; "Hey Jude"-Beatles)

Hey Jews, who are we now?
Are we good enough, to stay in Israel?
Remember, they'll challenge our Jewishness:
Religion and state to them are one.

Return if we're Jewish enough
Jewish enough, to stay.
Return if we're Jewish enough
They're checking on us, OY VAY!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by Arizona Republican politician:
CHRISTIAN NATION
(Don Peters, 1989 "Fascination")

It's a Christian Nation, you see
Jesus rules the land of the brave and the free
Now they say the libs flipped their lids when we said so
So we say EX-CUUUUUU-SE ME!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by President Bush (Tush)'s "backup group", the "Tushettes"
ADVICE TO GEORGE
(Jane Rein'l 1989; "Button Up Your Overcoat")

Pledge allegiance every day
On the campaign trail
Show you're nobody's wimp
Give 'em Danny Quayle.

Don't let any loonies loose
On parole or bail
Fight crime, smack, crack and pot
Be a macho male.

Just tell them "read my lips"
(oooh, oooh)
Try some quips (ho, ho)
Don't make slips (no, no)
Let ACLU get Mike in deep doo-doo.

Wear a vest that's bullet proof
Once you've clinched the sale
Take good care of your self
Or we're stuck with Quayle.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GOD SAVE SAVE THE PRES
(Don Peters 1989 "God Save the Queen")

God save our gracious Pres
God save our noble Pres
God save the Pres

For if his health should fail
We'd get J. Danforth Quayle

So let our leader's pulse prevail
God save our Pres!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by President Tush:
READ MY LIPS
(Alice Bendheim 1989; "Shall We Dance?")

The other candidates, who ran for president
They wanted to talk taxes, but they were so hesitant.

They said I was a wimp, and couldn't keep my word.
I had in mind to prove that I was stronger than a nerd,
So I said......

Read my lips
There'll be no new taxes
Read my lips, read my lips

We'll have budget axes, Just relax,

And perchance if the deficit doesn't climb too high
We'll restore those exemptions which the tax reformers outlawed
And deduct all our business trips....

Tho we know it won't work and inflation's round the corner,
Read my lips, read my lips, read my lips!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by President Tush:
HOME IN TEXAS (Bob Hirschfeld 1989; "Home on the Range")

Oh give me a home, where the cattle can roam
And the Oil Rigs are pumping all day
Where never is heard politics more absurd
For my campaign, those Texans did pay.

Home, home on the range, where the Clams and the Lobsters can play
I'd rather resort to old Kennebunkport,
With my carpetbag, home I will stay.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by women's chorus re: John Tower
OH, JOHNNY! (Alice Bendheim 1989 "Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny")

Oh, Johnny, Oh Johnny, how you can love!
Oh, Johnny, Oh Johnny, heaven's above!

You'd make a great chief of defense,
For when you're around
The commies scurry

Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, how much did you drink,
While your were on the job?

But so help us, it's true
That when we looked at you, we said
NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!
NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!
NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by John Tower with men's chorus:
HANG DOWN YOUR HEAD, JOHN TOWER
(Bob Meitz/Don Peters 1989; "Tom Dooley")

Hang down your head, John Tower,
Hang down your head and sigh.
Hang down your head, John Tower,
Old pal, we think you lie!

I met her at a party
Buxom and blue-eyed.
A voice inside said "Don't John"
"Shut up voice," I replied.

(Chorus:)
Zip up your fly, John Tower
Hold that wild impulse in
Cork up that jug, John Tower
The Senate can't stand sin.

TOWER:
I just worked for old friends
Nothin' much went on.
If it hadn'a been for Sam Nunn,
I'd boss the Pent-a-gon!

"John, a sinner is not
what this job requires"
So said a hundred elected
Lechers, drunks and liars.

(Chorus:)
Pack up your bags, John Tower
Go off and take the cure
Hang up your spurs John Tower
Our leaders must be pure.

TOWER:
This time tomorrow
Reckon where I'll be? (Ha, ha!)
Doling out those sports funds, and
Samplin' some good whiskey!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by congressional delegation:
NO LUCK FOR A PAY RAISE (Jane Rein'l 1989 "With a Little Bit of Luck")

(Solo:)
We had a sweetheart deal with the Commission
We'd get a raise by simply lying low.
We didn't need the Senator's permission
For with a little bit of luck
(And it wouldn't take much pluck)
They could have it all and still vote No.

(Chorus:)
With a little bit, with a little bit
Just a tiny bit of Pluck they voted No.

(Solo:)
So then we had the perfect situation
Who'd think that we were riding for a fall?
For if the House just took a short vacation, then
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
They could grab it all and not vote at all!

(Chorus:)
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck, no vote at all.

We had it all tied up in red tape
Until the media cut loose and cooked our goose.

(Solo:)
Folks started sending tea bags by the hundred
And Speaker Wright spoke wrong and lost his clout.
The people's voice just growled and roared and thundered
So our plan we had to chuck
And we didn't make a buck
'Cause that little bit of luck ran out.

(Chorus:)
Yes, that little bit, Yes, that little bit
Yes that little bit of luck just ran right out.

(softly)
But we'll still keep
Our Honoraria
If a little bit of luck holds out!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
S & L INFIRMARY (David Forsyth 1989;
"St. James Infirmary")

Went down to the S&L this mornin'
To count my money there
Looked at my account balance
So cold, so small, so bare

Where is it? Where is it? I shouted
Please tell me where it has gone
To the Fed'ral Deposit Insurance
They told me it had been withdrawn

Have faith in the full faith and credit
Of our great Democracy
For the balance of your deposits
You know are guaranteed.

I was sad, beaten down, broken hearted
Learned my lesson, but oh at what cost
Insurance took all of my money
Will the Congress replace what I've lost?

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by Dan Quayle:
THE PRESIDENT'S HAND PICKED VP
(Beth Luey 1989 - Queen's Navy)

When I was a young man my name was Quayle
And so I knew that I could never fail
My Granny said, "Dan, just you wait and see,
For you can be whatever you may want to be."
(Chorus:) For you can be whatever you may want to be."
I waited and saw so perfectly,
That now I am the President's hand picked VP.
(Chorus:) He waited and saw so perfectly,
That now he is the President's hand picked VP.

When the Vietnam War came, I wished to serve
But I saw some blood and then I lost my nerve
So I joined the Guard and learned some skills
While Daddy paid my greens fees and my grocery bills.
(Chorus:) While Daddy paid his greens fees and his grocery bills.
I served the Guard so loyally
That now I am the President's hand picked VP.
(Chorus:) He served the Guard so loyally
That now he is the President's
hand picked VP.

So if you aspire to a higher fame
Just learn my rules before you play my game
Don't risk your life, don't work too hard
Play lots of golf, and join the National Guard.
(Chorus:) Play lots of golf, and join the National Guard.
Be rich and handsome and dumb as a tree
And you may be Dan Quayle's very own VP.
(Chorus:) Be rich and handsome and dumb as a tree
And you may be Dan Quayle's very own VP.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sung by Dan Quayle, appointed to head the
"President's task force on ACNE":

ACNE (Don Peters 1989; tune of "Lola")

My skin's clear but yours is a mess
It's time this country did something I guess
About acne
A-C-N-E acne
The whole world grieves when a rich white twit
Has her coming out spoiled by a vicious zit
Let's fight acne
A-C-N-E acne
Ac ac ac ac ac-n-he-he

I told Pres I had to have something to do
Well, playing second fiddle can make you blue

I said to him Danny Boy I've got me a plan
We'll set you fighting pimples, it'll make you a man.

Now I'm not the world's most competent guy
I can't do much, but HE thinks that I
Can fight acne
A-C-N-E acne
I longed to do battle with something that's red
And now that ambition has come to a head
I'll fight acne
A-C-N-E acne
Ac ac ac ac ac-n-he-he
Men will be boys and boys will be men
Someday I'll grow up but until then
I'll fight acne.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
BUILD US A LASER DISH (REPRISE)
(Bob Hirschfeld 1989 "Anvil Chorus")
(*# = anvil plus laser flash)
(Chorus:)

Build (*#) us (*#) a la-(*#) ser dish (*#)
so we (*#) can shoot (*#) -down Russ- (*#) ians (*#)
Build (*#) us (*#) a la-(*#) ser dish (*#)
to show (*#) the world (*#) our star wars (*#)(*#)

Star Wars (*#)(*#), Star-wars (*#)(*#)
We - shall - show - the -world....
We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN
(Bob Hirschfeld 1989, same title/Phantom)

Past the point of no return
This weapon takes us
If it can shoot down foes, it could harm friends

Past the point of no return
Is war our future?
What happened to your kinder, gentler plan?

Must you seek phantoms to attack
Is there no grey 'twixt white and black
What world destruction lies before us?

Past the point of no return
This sabre rattling
Hides from us phantom fears within ourselves

Beyond the point of no return.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH CENSORS (Bob Hirschfeld 1989 -Once in Love with Amy)
(Reprise)

Once in league with Censors
Always in league with Censors
Once they have said it
You always will regret it
If government controls what we hear

How can we be free if speech is threa-tened
Or cen-sored or banned?
Don't imagine that it couldn't happen,
In this enlightened land!

Once in league with Censors
Always oppressed by Censors
Thoughts that offend men
Share the First Amendment
With others that must see light of day

Our speech and our religion always shall.... be.....free.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
WITHOUT AN EVIL EMPIRE (Don Peters 1989)
("If Ever I Would Leave You")

Without an evil empire
What will we do with napalm?
Could it be our A bomb, will just sit and rust?
We need a red menace,to stay on our toes
With Stealth and MXes,we just must have foes.

And when I hear of peace offensives
Then I shudder so
If he won't stop this plowshare rattling
Gorbachev must go!

Without some bolshevism
What will they do with our kind?
What if people should find
That peace was at hand?
Lord don't let it happen
Let's have fear like before
O, Lord make that empire evil once more.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SYMBOL OF FREEDOM (Bob Hirschfeld 1989;
Phantom/Angel of Music)
Symbol of Freedom, we shall praise you
Liberty, we'll preserve you
Our Bill of Rights, we must protect you
From those who seek destruction.
"Carrying cards," they accused us
As if that card proved us disloyal
But ACLU is victorious
Over those who freedom spoil!
Symbol of Freedom, show it proudly
Members, and friends, support us
Carry our card, proclaim it loudly
Don't be ashamed to join us!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
HURRAY FOR ACLU (Reprise)
(Bob Hirschfeld 1989)
Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Protector
We fear no Phantom's Spectre
For we know rights from wrongs!
Our Follies now are ended; is everyone
offended?
The Phantom has descended
We've sung all this year's songs.
Hurray for you who heard us, applauding what we did here
We need your help for next year
To help us right more wrongs....
We'll surely write more songs....
To help keep........
OUR CONSTITUTION STRONG!

I ser




 
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