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How to be elite
(C) 1991 THE FORCE AUSTRALIA
Uploaded by Raphael - The Tremendous Trio
H O W T O B E E L I T E
Written by 808 STATE
Uploaded - Raphael
Edited - Raphael & 808 State
Well, if you wanna be elite, ya gotta follow da rules! The first thing is to
pick a name that strikes fear into the heart of all, hmmm, try naming
yourself after a cheap shitty pair of sneakers sold in chainstores... for
example, Aerosports, or maybe Trax. That's always a good start. If you
can't find some sneakers, then give yourself a name that actually sounds
scary. Hmmm, well, something like Future Man is pretty tough, and would
really make most dudes say, "Wow! This guy MUST be elite!".
Secondly, you must develop the right attitude. You can't be a nice guy to
others, coz everyone else is lamer than you are. You must create your own
imaginary world, and you must be god. This attitude means that when you
program your terminal program macros, you need special phrases. Below are
the suggested defaults for the person wishing to become elite:
F1 "Fuck off! I'm a k-rad c00l elite dude!"
F2 "Yes, I am the best."
F3 "No applause thanx..."
F4 "Yes, I am in X-NET"
F5 "I am the best"
F6 "I am the greatest"
F7 "I can't talk to you. You are a lamer."
F8 "I had that before you were born."
F9 "No God got fired, I got the job now"
F10 "Get fucked!"
Once you have these, go into any chatboard and fire them, F1-F0.
Guaranteed to raise ya status. Having developed this attitude, you can set
about getting a reputation.
The first and best way to do this is to abuse a lot of people. That way
everyone hates you because they say you are an asshole, but you imagine
that they hate you because they are jealous. Thus, you become a legend in
your own eyes.
Whenever you answer the phone, you must answer with specific words so all
callers know you are hype. Try something like "Dion speaking, Fuck Off".
It seemed to work very well for one member of the
social/warez/phreak/hack/card/rape/anarchy/drugs/sex/petfood elite.
Never ever say sorry. You must learn to accept the fact that you are elite
and everyone else is not. So when you accidently kill ya best friend in a
car accident, don't apologize. Just say politely to his parents, "Fuck
off". They will respect you for it.
Friends are people who are weaker than you, and so you must use them. Treat
them like shit, because you are god. When they think they are in your
"inner circle", tell them to fuck off. That way, you never let anyone get
too close to your empire. The true elite have NO friends, because they
don't need them.
If you must run a board, then make sure you select only c00l k-rad users.
The smaller the user base the better, as you get more users, tell them to
fuck off. Ideally, you will get the userbase down to 1 person. That is
what most of the true elite aim for, a 1 user base with 0 day warez.
If you want to reach the top faster then run a network, set up a network of a
few boards. The name is more important than the content. Choose a tough,
elite-sounding name that commands immediate respect and attention, if you
can't think of one, use letters from the alphebet. For example, you could
call yourself A-NET, or X-NET. They are pretty elite sounding, you have to
admit.
If you can't trade warez, but still wanna be elite, then you gotta change
your name. Choose a french name like Pierre, or Andre and be a real
asshole, and everyone will look up to you like a God. Call yourself the
godfather of phreaking and move to Montrose and you will be well on the way
to becomming absolutely elite. If anyone rings you, you must test them to
make sure they are elite enough to share the same trunk as you. To do
this, you must ask questions, remembering that no-one, aboslutely no-one is
as elite or even close to as elite as you. Ask questions that only the
true elite can answer. Ask things like, "How many Potato-Trunks exist on
a parsnip-bacon-exchange?", "How many feathers on a puruvian trunk?", "Can
you rape a female macro-fish, or just a male macro-fish?", etc. Make up
words that only you know. If they can answer them, respect them, if not,
hang up. Always hang up immediately because otherwise they get a big head
and will boast to their friends, "Ahhhh...I shared a trunk with Aerosport
for thirty seconds...ahhhh". No, hang up right away.
Knowing how to threaten is an important part of being elite. You must be
able to scare anyone and everyone. Naturally, it helps if you are a fed
informer, but naturally these places are very limited and competition is
intense with everyone wanting to get in. If you can't get in, then you
must be able to act tough. Sure, you don't need to carry out your threats,
but you must be able to deliver them. Tell everyone you are a 25 year old
boxer, with a black belt in everything, and you're taking enough steroids
to kill a herd of sheep. The fact that you may be three feet tall, look
like a dwarf, and live on a diet of cabbage and water, is neither here nor
there. Afterall, if you are really elite, who will see you?
Now, ring up in the middle of the night. Never call during the day,
because if you are elite, the person being called should be happy to
receive your call. When they pick up the phone, abuse them. This is tough
and elite. Keep doing this for a short period, then hang up. They will
respect you for it in the morning.
If you follow the above steps you will be well on your way to becoming a
member of the elite. If you have any problems, then contact either Future
Man or Trax, both should be found on a BBS near you.
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