Special Delivery

by Reed Ackerman

Well, my ex-girlfriend (she was my girlfriend at the time) and I were talking on the phone one day, and of course, she was about to blow me off so she could do whatever. The previous week she seemed to be avoiding me, but I fooled myself saying it was alright. So anyway, she said there was someone at the door. I said, "Who is it?" even though it was none of my business... or so I thought.

"Oh, I don't know, uh, I'll call you back, ok?" she said.

"Just look out your window and tell me!" I said, desperate, for some reason.

"Look, I'll call you back, ok?" with a worried tone in her voice.

"How hard is it look out your window? Obviously, you know who's there, so just tell me!" I exclaimed, very pissed that she was keeping a secret from me.

"Ok, I'll call you back, bye.It was just the UPS guy at the door. Later." was her final words, then she hung up the phone.

About ten minutes later, the phone rang again. I picked it up, and she had kept her word, she called me back. However, this is what she said:

"Man, I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap. I'll call you later." She said this with the most artificial yawn I have ever heard in my life. I knew she was trying to pull something, but wouldn't mention it till a later date.

About two weeks later, we broke up. What a suprise, huh? We became "friends", is what I told her. She is so gullable, and of course, she believed me. About four months later, I had a conversation with her in math class, where everyone could hear.

"Ok, let me ask you a question." I said, slyly.

"Go ahead, shoot." she said, stupidly.

"What would you think is happening if one day, you're talking on the phone, and your girlfriend all of a sudden decides to hang up on you. She says there's someone at the door, then click, she's gone. She calls back ten minutes later, saying the UPS guy was at the door. After that, she says she wants to take a nap. What do you think is happening?" I said, as she began to get nervous.

"I'd say that the bitch was getting some!" she replied.

I got her. She cornered herself. That night, I called her and bitched her out so bad, I thought she was going to cry. She denied that she cheated on me, but I didn't believe her. The funny thing is, one week after we broke up, she was going out with another guy. It just comes to show, remember what people say, it'll come in handy later. If there's one thing I can teach everyone, it is that people will ALWAYS set themselves up for something.

Thank you for reading, I hope I didn't take too much of your time. Email me if you have any questions or comments. Take it easy! Oh, and by the way, after I broke up with her, I found out that her previous boyfriend and her had made "whoopie" (isn't that a funny word?) 103 times in less than 3 months. Luckily, I didn't get anywhere, sorry to say.