The Top Ten Warning Labels That Should Be On Alcohol Bottles

by Andrew Waholek

"The top ten warning labels that should be on alcohol bottles"

-Due to increasing products liability Litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be considered to be placed immediately on all booze bottles.

10.- WARNING: The consumption of booze is a major factor in dancing like an ass.

9.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

8.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really really dying for you to call them at four in the morning.

7.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in getting your ass kicked.

6.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

5.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

4.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

3.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, and more handsome than some really really big guy named FRANZ.

2.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over & over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!!!

1.- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).