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A way back from deep debt: Debtors Anonymous


Copyright 1986, 1994 by Jerrold Mundis.
All rights reserved.

This file may be distributed freely by electronic means for
nonprofit personal use provided the copyright and rights-reserved
notice is included and the text is not altered in any way.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(This article originally appeared in *The New York Times
Magazine*, January 5 1986)



A WAY BACK FROM DEEP DEBT:
Debtors Anonymous

by

Jerrold Mundis

It's a Friday night in November. Some 50 people are sitting
in molded plastic chairs in a one-room brick building that is
part of a church complex in Greenwich Village. It's a
comfortable, sparsely furnished room, used by various community
groups. Two ceiling-fans turn slowly. The group is listening to
a woman talk about her life, and about her money.
She's in her 50's, a commercial artist. She wears a
tailored skirt and a long-sleeved beige blouse. Her name is Ruth
B. and she is participating in a meeting of Debtors Anonymous.
"My family was extremely money oriented," she says. "I grew
up thinking it was the paramount value. I was in awe of wealth.
I always tried to give the impression that I had money and to
live up to the level of my affluent friends."
Her audience is about evenly divided between men and women,
mid-20's through mid-60's and dressed in everything from jeans
and sneakers to expensive ensembles and business suits. Most pay
close attention to her. Some are distracted by matters they want
to bring up later.
Ruth describes a way of life in which there was never
enough. "I *lusted* after money," she says. "I was arrogant and
overbearing when I had it. I was totally miserable when I
didn't. I always needed more. And I used bank loans and charge
cards to get it. I was constantly in debt."
She was adroit at juggling her finances and managed to keep
the system going for years, she tells them. But she was living
on the edge, feeling ever more pressured, ever more desperate.
Finally, it all collapsed.
"I was wiped out," se says. "Everything I had was gone.
When I came into the program, I was hysterical. I was stunned.
I was suicidal. I couldn't function."
Discussion of personal money, particularly indebtedness, may
be the last American taboo. Yet roughly one out of every 12
Americans is overwhelmed by debt. In June 1985, the Federal
Reserve Board reported that consumer debt for the first quarter
of last year had soared to 72% of consumer income -- and was
continuing to rise.
"The number of people who are severely overextended is
huge," says Marla Kaplan, the former associate director of
Bankcard Holders of America, a consumer group in Washington, "and
it's getting worse every month." Luther Gatling, president of
the nonprofit Budget and Credit Counseling Service in New York,
says, "Twenty million Americans are only one paycheck ahead of
catastrophe. Their debts are destroying them."
Like Ruth, they often feel helpless, angry and confused.
They become fearful, depressed, even suicidal. They live with a
daily sense of impending disaster.
Debtors Anonymous is a 10-year-old self-help program,
modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous, that provides moral support for
those in debt. Though precise figures are not available, Debtors
Anonymous estimates that its membership has tripled in the last
year -- to about 4,000, with chapters in New York, Los Angeles,
San Francisco, Washington, Boston, Chicago, Miami, Paris and
other cities.
At each meeting, one member serves as principal speaker. At
this one, it is Ruth, who has been attending for three years.
Tonight, she's relaxed as she tells hers story, breaking into
laughter several times. She is no longer in debt. Her business
is thriving.
Ruth concludes, then opens the remaining hour to general
discussion. A public relations man says he understands her
earlier despair. He was $45,000 in debt two and a half years
ago, when he first came to D.A., and felt crushed and hopeless.
"I never understood money, or what I did with it," he says. Now
he has paid off $15,000 of his debts, and his marriage, which had
been in trouble because of his financial difficulties, is much
stronger.
A physical therapist in her early 30's expresses her
pleasure in having watched Ruth change. It was months, she says,
before she first saw her smile.
A young man in a sweat shirt with the sleeves cut off talks
about his fear over asking his employer for a raise. "I know
better. I'm learning. But deep down inside I still don't believe
I'm worth more money."
A woman in her late twenties is clearly uncomfortable. She
finds it nearly incomprehensible, she says, that Ruth and others
can cite specific amounts of income and debt so casually. She's
been in the program eight months, but still hasn't been able to
speak in anything but generalities. She wants to tell them now
exactly what she does and how much debt she's carrying. She has
to force the words out. She works in computer art, she says.
She owes $25,000. She is shaken, but also appears relieved.
Another woman gives her hand a squeeze.
A man with his temples going to gray recounts a meeting with
an officer of the bank that is his major creditor. Acting on
suggestions given him here, he successfully negotiated a six-
month moratorium on payments.
A woman in her late 20's suddenly explodes. She's a
secretary and this is only her fourth meeting. "I'm furious," she
tells them in a taut, quivering voice. "I hate being in debt! I
hate not having enough! I hate everything about this!"
"That's odd," someone else says, deadpan. "The rest of us
really loved it."
Several people break into laughter. The secretary glares at
them. Then suddenly, she laughs too.
At the meeting's end, people help put the chairs away and
straighten the room. They leave slowly, milling about, breaking
into smaller groups to talk or to head out for coffee or food.

* * * *

Some people walk in to their first meeting of Debtors
Anonymous earning more than $100,000 a year. Others are on
welfare or unemployment. Some owe amounts substantially over six
figures, others no more than $500 or a $1000. "The numbers don't
matter," says John H., a communications executive who has been
in the program since its earliest days. "It's what debt has done
to your life, the toll in human misery it's taking."
There are doctors and lawyers in D.A., housepainters,
university professors, carpenters, psychologists, nurses,
secretaries, executives, artists, writers, actors, stock clerks
and stockbrokers.
Debtors Anonymous has absorbed the principles of Alcoholics
Anonymous, which are concerned with the spiritual well-being of
members, but the program -- again, like A.A. -- is in no way
religious. Its membership includes Christians and atheists, Jews
and agnostics. The organization's preamble, which is read aloud
at the beginning of each meeting, states, "D.A. is not allied
with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or
institution . . . neither endorses nor opposes any causes."
It also states that Debtors Anonymous "is a fellowship of men and
women who share their experience, strength and hope with each
other that they may solve their common problem and help others to
recover from compulsive debt."
"Compulsive" and "debt" are key words here. Compulsive, in
D.A. terms, means that the individual has a history of repeatedly
incurring debt despite negative emotional and financial
consequences. He or she somehow justifies each new loan or late
payment, or borrows to obtain relief from pressures often
perceived as intolerable.
"Compulsive debting is very real," says Nancy Dombrowski, a
New York psychotherapist who specializes in addiction. "People
know that it's self-destructive, but they continue to borrow and
buy anyway. It's an addiction, just as serious as cocaine, pills
or alcohol."
Dr. Marilyn Jacovsky, former head of research for customer
affairs at Citibank, a psychotherapist who specializes in
dependency, says: "The compulsion to use debt and credit is just
like any other compulsion -- the compulsion to overeat, for
example. It is progressive, and it finally goes out of the
individual's control."
By debt, Debtors Anonymous means non-collateralized or
unsecured debt -- anything from a personal loan to falling a
month or two behind in the rent. A secured loan, in the form of
a mortgage or a car purchased on time, on the other hand, is
acceptable. "If things go wrong," says one member, "your
creditor takes your security, but you walk clean, you don't owe
anyone money.
The subject is debt, but the deeper issue at Debtors
Anonymous is the quality of life. "Getting out of debt and
mastering your money leads to profound changes," says John H.
"You get back control of your life, you own it. You gain
self-esteem. The fear leaves you. Prosperity enters, not just
financially, but in everything from your response to a sunny day
to the quality of your relationships.
"All that flashy outside stuff -- paying everyone off, big
jumps in income -- does happen," he continues. "But," he says, a
man who is as likely to quote St. Ignatius Loyola as he is *The
One-Minute Manager*, "the foundation, the internal mechanism of
the change, is spiritual."
Most members of DA seem to agree.
"I was miserable while I was in the throes of debting," says
Gail C., a social worker. "My emotions were chaotic. I was
fearful, sleepless. I couldn't think about anything but my
debts. All that has changed. I'm calm now. I'm no longer
consumed by personal worries. I have a sense of serenity."

* * * *

The similarity between Debtors Anonymous and Alcoholics
Anonymous is not coincidental. D.A. was founded in 1976 by a man
who had been sober in Alcoholics Anonymous 27 years. Despite a
high income, his debts had mounted progressively to the point at
which he felt crippled by them and almost unable to bear the
pressure. He found another person in similar straits. They sat
down to talk seriously about their debts, and that was D.A.'s
first meeting. He eschews any further detail about himself.
People who know him well say his reticence stems from a deep
spirituality and genuine humility. A sly and often humorously
cantankerous man, he himself says its because he doesn't want to
be set apart, as was to some degree the co-founder of A.A. --
Bill Wilson -- and thus be prevented from participating in the
program as freely or easily as any other member.
How does Debtors Anonymous work? It offers techniques,
strategies and "tools," but it is basically a process, a gradual
change in perceptions and attitudes about money and self.
Admitting the problem is essential, and that's not easy,
members say. Denial is nearly universal. It's the divorce,
people tell themselves, it's the job market, late paying
accounts, taxes, the economy, interest rates, the new roof, high
rents. Often an individual has to be driven right up against the
wall, and through it, before being willing to face facts.
An incoming member is encouraged to avoid taking on any new
debt for that day. That concept is vital. Next week and next
month are too much to think about, the program says, but anyone
can abstain from incurring a new debt for one day -- this day.
Income is the second area of consideration, and it is
usually dealt with in two stages: first, stabilizing it to match
monthly expenses; second, increasing it. Stabilization may
involve seeking a moratorium from a creditor, taking in a
roommate temporarily, and similar options. Although the major
concern is to avoid new debt, an increase in earnings is a
logical extension -- by taking on a part-time job, requesting a
promotion, changing jobs, or aggressively seeking new business.
Members are committed to repaying each of their debts in full,
but only on a schedule consistent with a tolerable life. Living
for one's creditors, the program says, results in feelings of
deprivation, impoverishment and futility. "This isn't about
working harder and eating cat food," says Jim S. "It's about
improving your life."
Regular attendance of meetings is important. As in
Alcoholics Anonymous, each chapter functions autonomously, but is
linked together through the general organization. Members are
welcome to attend the meetings of any chapter. Most move back
and forth between several different ones and often stop in at
meetings in other cities when they travel. At each chapter, a
new member is elected every three months or so to chair meetings,
generally held once a week.
There are no dues or fees for members. Voluntary
contributions dropped into a basket at each meeting are D.A.'s
sole source of income. It is wholly self-supported and neither
seeks nor accepts any funds from outside sources.
Several issues might surface on any given night: compulsive
spending, use of money as a mood-changer, fear of success. There
are a surprising number of people who unconsciously hold
themselves back or sabotage their own efforts because of low
self-esteem, fear that they can't handle responsibility, that
they'll be revealed as somehow fraudulent, or because of a desire
to be taken care of, and even a reluctance to surpass parents.
The "Spending Record" is cited as the single most valuable
tool in the program. This is a daily record of all expenses, to
the penny, broken down into as many precise categories as
possible, and totaled, usually week by week, and again at the end
of the month. "It tells you exactly where your money is going,"
says John H., "and that knowledge is power. Once you know what's
going on, you can begin to change it." This device might seem
simplistic, but it is highly effective, according to members.
Not only does it provide a revealing portrait of one's life, they
say, but the basic act of keeping the record can reduce cash
outflow by 5 to 10 percent.
"Pressure Meetings" -- another tool -- are actually designed
to take the pressure off, not put it on. A member selects two
solvent and experienced members whom he respects. ("Solvent" is
defined as not having not incurred unsecured debt for a given
length of time.) They meet privately with the troubled member
and discuss in detail the problems -- a faltering business deal,
an angry creditor, or simply vague fear.
Many members of Debtors Anonymous are reticent and even
embarrassed about describing, only in dollar amounts, what has
happened to them. But that in itself is often dramatic.
Alex I., a real estate salesman, was $36,000 in debt and on
the verge of bankruptcy when he entered the program. He has
since repaid more than $30,000 and increased his income from
$40,000 to $70,000.
Alex has remained in real estate but, with the support of
his "Pressure Group," began to change his working habits and
attitudes -- pursuing clients more aggressively, keeping clearer
records, following up inquiries, and taking a more philosophical
approach to the vagaries of the business.
Not everyone who looks at Debtors Anonymous stays. Glenn
B., a welder, attended four meetings. "I didn't understand what
they were talking about. I felt lost. Also, I'm going back to
school and I need a loan. I picked up that wasn't the thing to
do. I know in my gut I'll be back."
Some remain a while and then leave. Often they return
later. "My situation had improved," says Ken L., a salesman.
"My life was more manageable and I was making a lot more money."
He was gone two years, reappeared three months ago. "Things
began slipping. I was reverting to old habits. I came back
before it got bad."

* * * *

The largest concentration of chapters is in New York and
California, but new ones are being formed in other areas at a
rate of about five a month. Inquiries can be made by letter or
telephone. Calls are taken by a service. Response time may be
slow because of limited budget and because volunteer members do
all the work, but each inquiry will be answered. The address
is:

Debtors Anonymous
Post Office Box 400
New York, NY 10163
(212) 642-8222

Members of the organizations general service board -- D.A.'s
elected officers -- say that there are issues yet to be resolved
-- how best to work with a married member whose spouse does not
have the same problem; what, precisely, constitutes debt in
business among business owners. Its organizational and
administrative arms are still being shaped and aren't always able
to deal with the program's growth quickly or effectively. Some
members point out that the challenges are similar to those faced
by Alcoholics Anonymous in its first years.
"What the program is and what it isn't may make for inter-
esting discussion," says John H., "but only one thing really
matters here -- pragmatic results. This works. It's that
simple."

#
_______________________________

1994 ADDENDUM:

Currently, Debtors Anonymous has 400 groups functioning in the
United States and groups in London and Paris as well. DA remains
the best and most effective self-help organization there is for
helping people deal with debt. But some of its groups tend to
wander off topic and spend much of their time dealing with
material that would be more appropriate for other programs, such
as Al-Anon or ACoA. And within many groups there are often a few
people who want to talk mostly about their childhood or to excuse
or justify their continued debting, to convince others that they
simply *had* to debt. The following commentary, which addresses
that phenomenon, has been excerpted/adapted from my book EARN
WHAT YOU DESERVE: HOW TO STOP UNDEREARNING & START
THRIVING (Bantam, 1995) . . .
_____________________________


"Debt Is about Money
Not about Love, Art, Fame, Glory,
Or Personal Relationships."

Debt has to do with money, not with abstractions, emotions,
or anything else. With money -- with repeatedly spending money
that is not yours: Visa's, your brothers, Sears', your dentist's
when you don't pay him immediately for work he's done, Mobil Oil
Company's, your landlord's when you fall behind in your rent, the
IRS's if you're self-employed and don't make your quarterly tax
payment, Bloomingdale's . . .
Debt does not involve bringing in less love than you need.
Or getting less recreation than you need. Or not spending enough
time on your art. Or anything else. Those may all be valid
issues related to debt, be part of a *syndrome* around debt, but
they are not debt itself.
There is a danger, in the first flush of discovery, or
early stages of healing, of trying to extend the concept of debt
so that it becomes all-embracing. This only confuses the issue
and makes remedying the problem much more difficult, if not
impossible. In some groups of Debtors Anonymous, some people
began to call themselves self-debtors, emotional debtors, and the
like. At its extreme, people were speaking of time debting, play
debting, art debting, and even space debting (not having enough
room.) This hopelessly confused the real problem for them. Even
worse, it confused the people who were coming into those groups
for the first time, under terrible pressure from their debts and
trying to find help. The practice led to such irrational
statements as, "I'm not going to debt to myself anymore, so I
borrowed $300 from my brother to buy a new winter coat." In that
statement the entire concept of not incurring any new unsecured
debt one day at a time, of *recovering* from debt, is lost.
There are many issues *related* to the problem of debt, but
they are not the problem itself. The beginning of wisdom, goes
an old Chinese epigram, is to call things by their right name.
Other issues, which either contribute to debt or result from it,
are part of the *syndrome* of debt.
If you choose to avail yourself of the help that can be had
from Debtors Anonymous, you will get the greatest benefit by
participating only in groups whose members are utterly clear that
their primary purpose is to abstain from incurring unsecured debt
one day at a time and to help debtors who are still suffering,
groups with a high percentage of solvent (non-debting) members,
groups where, although some people might and probably will be in
pain on any given night and might be expressing that pain, the
focus is on solutions rather than problems.

End



Jerrold Mundis is a writer, workshop leader, and former business
editor for *The New York Times*.

He is the author of the bestselling HOW TO GET OUT OF DEBT, STAY
OUT OF DEBT & LIVE PROSPEROUSLY (Bantam Books), and EARN WHAT YOU
DESERVE: HOW TO STOP UNDEREARNING & START THRIVING (Bantam Books,
January 1995.)
 
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