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Metroid: Rewritten \ A Call for Help by David Mi





"Metroid: Rewritten \ A Call for Help"

Written by David Minter.

Finished 12-14-95.

Based on the Nintendo video games "Metroid" @1986,
"Metroid II: Return of Samus" @1991, and "Super Metroid"
@1994 all by Nintendo of America, Incorporated, the
concept of the Book and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista
Records, and material from the collected storylines of
"Gremlins: Rewritten," "Critters: Rewritten," "Gremlins 2:
Rewritten," "Night of the Living Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic
Commando: Rewritten," "Star Wars: Rewritten," "Return of
the Living Dead: Rewritten," and "The Terminator:
Rewritten," all written by David Minter @1991, 1992, 1993,
1994, and 1995 by David Minter.


This is the story of "Metroid: Rewritten \ A Call for
Help." You can read along with me in your book. You will
know it is time to turn the page when you hear the life
sucking Metroid, which or may not appear in this series,
depending on how this story goes, suck like this: SHLUCK!
Let's begin... now! Remember to turn the page every time
you hear the sound. SHLUCK!



In the countless billions of galaxies in our
universe, there are countless planets, both corporeal and
alternate. One of the alternate dimensional planets has
two suns orbiting it, one natural and the other
artificially created. This fake sun was instigated to
supply power for initial experiments in time and space
dimensional travel. With their new found power, they
monitored the flow of events across the universe, not
daring to intervene. But, some did! Some could not stand
idly by and watch as evil events took place. And, from
time to time these renegades are called upon to right some
wrongs that threaten the entire existence of the
space-time continuum. Now, is one of those times. A
sudden influx of chronal energy had been building around,
and oddly enough dissipating, with possible catastrophic
results, a small, insignificant blue-green planet. It
only had ONE satellite! But still, it was a terrible
source of unstable, godlike energies ready to erupt at any
moment. "Send him in!" The large triangular double doors
at the end of the judicial hall parted. Light poured out








of the room, and the shadowy figure stepped into the hall.
SHLUCK!

"Good evening! This is Bree Ricarda of CCN News.
Give us a minute, and we'll give you a minute's worth of
news! Chump Cable Network owner, Kate Peltzer, will be
giving a live statement on the bizarre launching of the
east side of Chump Towers into outer space a mere three
days ago. CCN will cut into this feed live when it
begins. Coming up in our next minute report at the top of
the hour: giant meteor heading towards Earth, but first,
'F-Troop!'" "The end of the civil war was near-"
SHLUCK!

Kate was confused. After expressing her desires to
Chump's lead research developer, Dr. Wright, that she
wanted to go after former employee, Professor Baxter
Stockman, for having all but destroyed her shattered mind,
Dr. Wright had ordered SWAT policemen to gather the
remnants of his Terminator robot and take them to his lab
cubicle. And now, she was sitting on her nice, supple
ass, which was rapidly going numb from waiting, for Dr.
Wright to come back and tell her what she wanted to know:
HOW TO DO IT! Eventually, the good doctor did arrive.
Carrying a box in both arms, he approached Kate and dumped
the contents onto the floor. "Recognize them. That
wasn't a question." "Yes. They're some of the parts of
that patchwork Terminator robot you sent to protect me."
"Look closer. What do you see?" A few seconds of intense
starring yielded nothing, but as those seconds stretched
out into minutes, something finally broke its way through
the webbing of Kate's mind, and, yes, you guessed it,
you've been waiting for it! KATE WAS STUNNED! "THE
BIONIC COMMANDO ARMOR!" SHLUCK!

Dr. Wright sighed. "Correct. I had hoped that it
would never require using again." "You built your
Terminator with parts of Billy's old suit of armor, the
one he used to rescue me from Dr. Wily, I said
flashbackingly. But, I thought it was placed in the
Smithsonian Institute for no odd reason, but to close that
chapter of our :Rewritten lives, I said eqaully
flashbackingly." He hung his head down in shame. "Yes.
I lied. I could not put it in some museum! It was my
greatest achievement, and with it I was going to create my
masterpiece: the ultimaite in artifical intelligence! I
had to make Billy think that I had obeyed his orders, so I
put an old design armor for Roc that I had made years ago
in the museum! If you take a look at it, which he never
did, it contains the old Mentos powered Gatling gun on
it!" "You were making a new kind of robot?" Dr. Wright








almost became sad. "Yes. I was. A whole new generation
of robots, Generation X, were waiting to be born. Oh,
well. But, that's in the past! Right now, I'll get to
work on creating a new and improved Bionic Commando armor
for you to use against Professor Stockman." SHLUCK!

Sudden power overcame Kate's bloated body, making her
temporarly sexually excited. However, Dr. Wright's
further words interrupted her fantasy world. "First,
though, I want to run some tests on you." "TESTS?!" Dr.
Wright was slightly stunned at Kate's response. "Yes.
What did you expect? You'll be going into space. I just
can't send you up there without first making absolutely
sure that your weak pulp body can withstand it. You might
implode or something along the way. And, there's
something else..." Kate was genuinely worried by Dr.
Wright's trailing word. "What?" "Well..." "SPIT IT
OUT!" "You did... copulate with that liquid metal
Terminator of Stockman's didn't you?" Kate shuddered at
the thought. "Sadly, yes." "All the way?" "What?" "All
the way, correct?" "All the way?" "Well, I mean, did
it-" Kate suddenly caught the jist of his innuendo. She
put her hands on her puffed out tummy. "Why... yes!"
"You see? Who knows what it may have... implanted inside
of you?! Who knows what it may have done or is currently
doing to you... or your baby!?" SHLUCK!

Kate waited no further paragraphs. "Then, by all
means, you damn fool, perform those tests!" "Right!" Dr.
Wright snapped his fingers to the tune of "In the Navy"
and a voluptuous woman entered. Because she was alone,
i.e. not flanked by two others, she wasn't a space alien.
Dr. Wright introduced her. "Her name's Biannca Lavoris.
She's my laboratory assisstant. I hired her for her
nipples." KATE WAS STUNNED! "They're so... erect!" Yes,
Biannca's titties were like bullets sticking out from her
lab smock. "The technical term that I used was hard and
pointy. Yes, she's an electrical semi-conductor. Due to
a hormonal imbalance, her brown ones are constantly filled
with blood. That's where I put the positive and negative
leads." To demonstrate, he took two car battery leads and
clamped them to Biannca's nipples through her coat. She
giggled gleefully like the mindless, big-titted, sexy
bitch that she was. A series of electric light bulbs set
in a row on a desk as part of an experiment in static
electricity lit up brightly and then burst in a single
instant. "See?" Biannca put a finger into her grinning
teeth and giggled once again, slightly bending forward in
that slutty sort o' way. "Now, then, with her help we can
conduct the test. I'll just administer some anisthetic."
He picked up a piece of the Bionic Commando armor and hit
Kate very squarely and extremely hard in the temple with








it. Her eyes rolled back into the back of her head, then
rolled completely around, and she escaped into a world of
nice, tinkling lights and surprisingly muscular Billy
Peltzers. SHLUCK!

High above the Earth in geostationary orbit, a lone
rocket was inertia-ing thorugh the vacuum. It's lone
occupant, a particularly mad scientist, was monitoring a
jar with which several pieces of apparatus connected to
it. In this jar was a sample of tissue, bomarded by a
combination of strange rays and floating in a solution of
protein emolients. Every so often, the mass of tissue
doubled and redoubled. It would soon be ready, and could
continue on its own, unmonitored until the next
examination period. There was another more pressing task
that had to be done. Baxter Stockman turned a viewing
camera onto a particular section of the United States:
Cheyenne, Wyoming. A contour map of the world appeared on
the viewscreen. This was replaced by a view of the United
States, then Wyoming, and finally the headquarters of the
North American Air Defense Command. "DIVE!" SHLUCK!

As he treked down the long stretch from the hallway
to the council room, his umbrella, used as a walking
stick, tapped out his steps. He came up to the large desk
into the room. He hooked the handle of his umbrella,
shaped like a question mark, in one of his pockets for
safe keeping, and looked up into the face of the regal
gentlemen sitting atop the high desk. "You sent for me,
ma'am?" Okay, so it was a regal gentlewoman! SUE ME!
Her response was a holovid screen that materialized before
the stranger's face. Blank at first, a bright blue-green
planet appeared in its place. The stranger glanced at it
briefly. "Ah, yes! The Earth. A nice little place.
Been there several times. I consider it my second home,
as you all well know." That was when he knew something
was wrong. "You wouldn't have called me back about this
unless-" The woman's commanding voice interrupted him.
"The image you see of the Earth is a chronal stamp,
showing the stability of the time energies surrounding the
planet. By Earth Standard Time, this was the year 1966.
As you can see, the energies are quite insignificant at
this point. Now, here is the Earth's chronal stamp ten
years later." The serene Earth was replaced by the planet
literally bobbing in pink waters! SHLUCK!

"GOOD LORD! Such a build up of chaotic time
fluctuations!" "In just ten short years, the planet has
already begun to drift precariously in the sea of time.
Now, here it was in 1986." The Earth had all but been
inundated by the maddening forces of time! This was








replaced by an Earth barely visible beneath the waves!
"1992." An image much like the one of 1966 reappeared.
"1994." Another inundated planet appeared. "1995." She
paused to let the mystery man take it all in. "Sadly,
1996. Be prepared." The completely covered Earth was
replaced by a completely black screen save for the
background peppering of stars! SHLUCK!

All the previous images were arranged in a collage
for the man to study the degeneration of Earth's time
field. "A strange mutation of time has begun around
Earth." The stranger heartily concurred. "Yes. At some
point in 1992, a hole is torn open in time. But, oddly,
it's a reverse chronic hysterisus! Bigger at its origin
than at either extrema! It's like an hourglass imploded!
It stretches back to 1976 at its biggest, curls about to a
smaller midpoint and then curls back out to start again.
The largest portions appear to be at the very beginnings
of Earth's time and this point in 1995. There's a
relatively calm period between 1993 and 1995, like the eye
of a storm. Wherease all these other points seem dictated
by chaos, this span of two years is ruled by logic action
and probability whereas in the other points, possiblity is
thrown out the window. Then, oddly enough, there's one
last surge until-" And that's when he knew. "When the
time hole opened, it released a tremendous burst of random
probability. Then, another release of large probability
closed the whole, creating this eye. But, only because
the excess energies were slowly leaking away, only
temporary held back until they all come out to destroy the
Earth by 1996! EARTH IS CAUGHT UP IN A HURRICANE OF
TIME!" SHLUCK!

"Correct. While our race's position is one of
non-intervention, we do know that you others like will do
such. So, we're allowing you this one chance to save
Earth. Go back and prevent the destruction of Earth's
time!" The stranger took hold of his trademark umbrella.
"No need to order me on this one!" He whipped the
umbrella over his shoulder, greeted the woman with a
traditional gesture of goodbye, and headed for his time
and space machine. He opened the blue doors, and a woman
in a black leather jacket greeted him. "Oy, Professor!
What's this all about? Called back to your people, and-"
The man interrupted her with a wave of his hand. "We're
heading back to your home now." She beamed. "EARTH?!"
"Yes. We must save it from itself!" She looked genuinely
worried. "From itself? What do you mean by that?" He
stepped into his device. "I'll explain along the way."
With the doors shut and a loud grating sound, his space
and time machine simply disappeared into thin air!
SHLUCK!








"Good evening! This is Bree Ricarda of CCN News.
Give us a minute, and we'll give you utter crap! Chump
Cable Network owner, Kate Peltzer, will be giving her
report on the bizarre events transpiring from our
broadcast center her in New York, New York over the past
few days. In a moment, we will cut in live when she
arrives! Coming up in our next minute report at the top
of the hour: Christ returns, but first, 'Sci-Fi High!'"
SHLUCK!

Kate was stunned! All she remembered was Dr. Wright
saying something about having to perform tests, and then
she was lying here on an operating table, nude and her
head a collection of empty thoughts and pain! She sat up
and saw that she was alone, but not for long! Because
suddenly, it was the bizarre and completely unexpected
return of the nude Penthouse Pets! Yes, those big
chested, empty headed women that you've been reading these
stories to see more of have finally returned! Julie
Strain, Jisel, Sandi Korn, Amy Lynn, and Janine
Lindemulder suddenly appeared out of nowhere and dashed
toward the barren Kate! They began making mad monkey love
to her... IN THE PENTHOUSE STYLE! She resisted at first,
but gradually gave in for our blatant sex scene of the
issue. And now, the Nude Penthouse Pet Singers with the
lewd version of the Beach Boys classic, "The Sloop John
B." called "The Sloop Sex Change!"

"We come on the Sloop Q. X.!"
"My grandfather perplexed!"
"Around Sweden town he did roam!"
"Drinking all night!"
"Had a sex change! Now, he's not quite right!"
"All right!"
"Well, I feel so creepy, I gotta dash home!"

"So, stay away from me, Gramps!"
"Don't tell me about your cramps!"
"That's something a man should not have!"
"Should not have!"
"Stay away from me, Gramps!"
"Damn your cramps!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
"Well, I feel so creepy, I gotta dash home!"

"Poor nurse, she caught the fits!"
"My Grandfather's got tits!"

The rest of this song has been censored because our








author wrote it three years ago, and he can't remember
anymore of it. He's getting senile in his old age. After
all, FORTY :Rewritten stories so far... SHLUCK!

And, that was the sound of a Metroid and not some
escaping effect of Kate's unexpected love session.
Anyway, Dr. Wright strolled back into the lab, Biannca
Lavoris, his love toy, cradled to his waist. "I completed
the tests, damn it! And sadly, bitch, you're healthy
enough to go up into space. Oh, and you're going to have
twins. Don't worry. They're both human. But now, you've
got a report to deliver... LIVE!" He turned to his
laboratory assisstant and pressed one of her nipples in.
A trap door opened up in front of the operating table that
Kate had just been made loved on. That self same table
suddenly tilted sharply forward, dropping Kate down the
shaft, screaming, Kate and not the table. The table
returned to its full, upright locked position, and the
trap door closed. "Now, gals! Let's show the reader what
real gratuitous sex scenes look like!" As Dr. Wright
strolled toward the mass of nude Penthouse Pets fondling
each other over the aftermath of Kate in a pile, Biannca
started to undress him, and Dr. Wright held his arms out
and fell backwards into the maddening embrace of potential
sexual bliss! SHLUCK!

Once again, that WAS a Metroid! Kate suddenly
materialized before a podium, microphones staring her in
the face and news reports and reporters staring at her
nude body! "Mrs. Peltzer! Why did one of the towers of
your corporate headquarters suddenly decide to launch
itself into space of its own volition?" "Mrs. Peltzer!
Why are you currently in a state of dressed undress?"
"Mrs. Pelzter! Can myself and 18,000 friends join you in
some-" Kate was confused. Her sudden appearance in the
buff before a crowd of strangers was getting to her. She
put her hands to her temples, which still hurt. Realizing
she had missed, she lifted her hands from her nipples and
hit the right targets this time. However, the previous
course of action had done more to ease her strain, so she
returned her hands to their previous positions. The
tingliness made her pubic hairs stand on end. The male
and a few of the female reporters instantly noticed this,
and began readying their cameras. However, by the time
they had pressed their shutter and various other
innuendous buttons, it had already happened. A passing
space craft hovered above the gathered crowd for a moment
before striking Kate with some sort of beam. Kate was
broken down into her component molecules and sucked up
into the craft. It hovered just long enough for the
reporters to get shots of the now empty podium and a few
of it speeding away into the clouds.










This is the end of "Metroid: Rewritten \ A Call for Help!"
What on Earth is happening? Dr. Wright never got rid of
the Bionic Commando armor?! The Penthouse Pets are back?!
Is Baxter Stockman making his play for the planet? What
was he creating hovering in geostationary orbit above
terra firma? Has a mysterious UFO kidnapped Kate?! If
so, why? And what was that about the very fabric of
existence being in mortal danger? Well, as one can guess,
it can only spell the impending doom of the universe!
Right? Maybe not. But, the Penthouse Pets may return
next time in "Metroid: Rewritten II \ Answer," and that's
all that matters to you lecherous basters, isn't it?
ISN'T IT?! Admit it. ADMIT IT!"




"Metroid: Rewritten \ A Call for Help" @1995 by David
Minter. Based on the video games "Metroid" @1986,
"Metroid II: Return of Samus" @1991, and "Super Metroid"
@1994 by Nintendo of Japan and Nintendo of America,
Incorporated, the concept of the Book and Record Set @1984
by Buena Vista Records, and material from the collected
storylines of "Gremlins: Rewritten," "Critters:
Rewritten," "Gremlins 2: Rewritten," "Night of the Living
Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic Commando: Rewritten," "Star
Wars: Rewritten," "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten,"
and "The Terminator: Rewritten" all written by David
Minter @1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, and 1995.



"Metroid," the Metroid, and all Metroid related characters
@1986, 1991, and 1994 by Nintendo of Japan and Nintendo of
America, Incorporated.

"Bionic Commando," Bionic Commando, Dr. Wily, and all
related characters @1987, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992,
1993, 1994, and 1995 by Capcom of Japan and Capcom of
America, Incorporated.

Baxter Stockman @1994 by Mirage Studios.

Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney.




 
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