Adventures in the Life of Killa K

by Killa K

The story you are about to read really happened. Names have been changed to nicknames to avoid legal trouble. These stories are as I remember them... That's enough stalling now on with the adventures.

Killa K and D-Time's Excellent Adventure

This adventure began when I was chilling at D-Time's house one weekend. It was a late spring or early summer afternoon(2000) and we were bored. We walked around his neighborhood until we found a nice place to smoke at. It was an empty house on the end of his street. We made sure no one was watching then snuck onto the porch. We stood in front of the door, which he had told me was unlocked, and I wrapped a shirt around my hand and tried the knob. Locked.

"Fuck, man stand back." I said as I pulled the chain off my wallet slammed it against the window in the door. BAMM! There was barely a scratch on the window.

"Damn, guess we can't get in." D-Time said as he looked at me sheepishly and shrugging his shoulders.

"The fuck we can't! Go get me a rock." I said quickly while ducking down to make sure none of the neighbors saw me waiting there on the porch.

A few seconds later D-Time came back holding a pebble. A fucking pebble. What the fuck is wrong with his head? How the hell can you break a window with a pebble?

"Follow me." I said like I was talking to a two year old. We walked around the house and in the front yard was a stack of bricks. They were right under his snotty fucking nose. I picked one up and dashed back to the porch.

"Watch." I mutterred to no him as I threw the brick through the window then reached in and undid the latch.

Now it was time to smoke and was I ever fiending for the dime bag I had in my pocket. I pulled out the weed and my black lighter that had two cat eyes on it. Now where did I put the papers? I searched all of my pockets and came up with nothing but a pinch of lint.

"Goddamn it!!" I yelled like a raving lunatic.

"Wh-Whats wrong?"

"I left the papers at home."

"Shit. Shit Shit." he cussed "What are we gonna do now? Huh? Willy is out of town and he's the only one around here that can get us shit like that cuz!"

"I don't know man! I'm a fucking retard. Why do I have to be a goddamn retard? Why? Why? Why? Why do I have to be so damn absentminded?" I complained.

We left the house after I bitched at myself, for being so stupid, for 5 minutes and began to walk down the road picking up ciggarette butts to smoke,(they will get you very high if you smoke them!) We went behind a shed beside the barber shop and started smoking the ciggarette butts. I sat there thinking while we were smoking and got a pretty good idea. I picked up a napkin and poured some of the weed in it and rolled it up. I lit it and took a hit and passed it to D. We smoked it up and were high as hell.

We hopped the fence behind the barber shop and started walking towards a big ass garage. On the way I tripped face first into a pile of sand and D tripped over me. We thought it was pretty funny so we layed there and laughed. I decided to get up cause I wanted a peice of gum but we didn't have any.

He broke into a car inside the garage and found a pack of gum and some rednecks down the street started yelling at each other. I went back in the garage with D following me.

"I got an idea dawg!"

"What is it?" he asked me.

"It's a great idea and will be funny as hell if y.. I mean we do it right!" I exclaimed.

I took his shirt and tied around his head like a ninja mask and did the same with mine. I told him to get something to throw at them. He picked up tool belt with the tools in it and I got two unopened cans of soda. We ran down the street towards them and stopped at the bottom of their driveway and started throwing pebbles at them. They started to chase us and when they got half way down the driveway told D to throw his stuff.

He threw the wrenches and screwdrivers at them and then we ran into the woods with them still following us. I threw one of the sodas and it hit one of them and he fell down, but his friend kept chasing us. I threw the other can at him, but it missed. We outdistanced him and doubled back to the garage and hid under a car.

D-Time got out from under it and started walking down the street in the opposite direction of the rednecks house and we wandered into this field and orchard where there were plum trees. We were high and had the muchies so these bitches looked pretty good. We picked a few and began to grub on them and had scarfed down a few when we heard a noise from behind some trees.

We walked back and started searching for whatever was making the noises and we saw about 3 small pigs running around which we thought were funny looking so we chased them and they led us back to their pen. 10 pigs were in there and so was a bunch of scrap metal and stuff.

D-Time climbed the fence and began to chase some of the bigger pigs. I watched him then climbed over and picked up a stick off the ground and started chasing after them waving my club like a pissed off caveman. He cornered them and I poked one in it's balls(the sack was the size of a basketball) and he ran out between us followed by the other ones. He got a stick and we chased them around the pen and sexually harassed them until we were tired.

He heard a noise behind us and told me to turn around and look. I looked and there was a big fat black man in overalls yelling at us while holding something beside him. I couldn't see what it was and so I told him to fuck off, but D-Time was already running so I started walking after him. I heard a big ass boom come from the pig farmers direction and I started running. I jumped the fence and heard the shotgun stuff rain down around me. I was scared as hell cause I thought the dude was gonna shoot me in the back.

I caught up with D in the woods and we walked back to his house. I discovered I had a splinter in my finger so being a genius I pulled it out and sealed the cut with my lighter. When we got onto his street he kept tripping me in the rode and trying to take my shoes. I was able to keep my shoes on until halfway down the street when He finally got them off.

Once we got to his house I got my shoes back and we ate dinner, watched some movie, and went to sleep. The next day when we got up we saw a note from his parents that told us Not to mess anything up and they would be back aroun 6:00 P.M. from the store.

He was in his bedroom playing a video game and I was in the bathroom taking a piss and I saw a bottle of nail polish remover that belonged to his sister(she was at the store with his parents). I got a bright idea and started splashing it around the bathroom and lit it up. I left the bathroom and walked into his room and calmly told him to come look at something in the bathroom. He saw it on fire and flipped out. He turned on the water in the sink and started splashing it everywhere that was on fire (over half of the bathroom) while I fell against the wall outside the bathroom and laughed my ass off. His parents find out about the fire in the bathroom, but only think the sink was set on fire. We didn't get caught doing any of the other stuff so we didn't get in much trouble. They just forbid me to be at their house when they weren't. But what they don't know won't hurt them BWHAHAHAHA!!!! The moral of this story(if there is one) is do what you want just don't get caught.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the "Adventure in the Life of Killa K. Same bat time same bat chan... Thats not it. I mean same Killa time same Killa channel.