Introducing Tha Baud Boyz!
by Pavement
"Introducing Tha Baud Boyz!"
by Pavement 4/8/01
The other day, I was walking the streets of Honolulu (my home, unfortunately) and thinking. I was thinking this: white rap groups have become acceptable to consumers now. Just look at Limp Bizkit; their albums would never have sold 10 years ago. So, the rap "color barrier" has been broken. That got me thinking. Can it be long before computer geek rappers get played on MTV and the radio? Well, it was just a stupid thought.
The next day, I was hanging out with my best friend Scott, who works for Island Records. I told him about the thought I'd had the day before and started laughing about it. He looked at me and said "Dude, don't laugh. Right now, we have a group just like that waiting to be unleashed on the public."
Well, I thought he was just bullshitting me until later that day, when he loaned me a promo packet of this group. They call themselves "Tha Baud Boyz," and in the promotional packet were some unmixed songs, lyrics, and a glossy picture of the group. This information is EXCLUSIVE to the internet, as my gift. Now you can say you knew about them FIRST.
Since I can't include the promo shot in this text file, I'll just describe it for you. There are 3 guys in the group, and they are sitting on a huge shipping crate that has the word "root" painted on it. I'll go from left to right.
First is "MC Geddy Lee." He is enormously fat and wearing a HOPE 2000 shirt. It looks like mustard stains are all over it, but I can't really tell because the picture is B&W. Now that I think about it, those stains don't look like mustard. They're also on his pants, near his crotch.
Sitting next to him on the crate is "Robyrt Jordyn." He's skinnier than a heroin addict and is wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt. He looks like he's about 15.
Finally, on the far right, is "Dat Killa Hobbit." He's sporting a comic book heroine named "Lady Sexy X" in a skimpy outfit on his t-shirt. Oh, never mind, I _thought_ I saw an outfit. She's actually naked.
From what I can tell so far, they're gonna be really big stars!
I pop the CD in my player. Too bad you can't hear it. Don't worry, though; all the clubs will be blasting it soon enough. I guess the best thing for me to do at this point is type in the lyrics to one of the songs that was included. Here we go:
"Forgotten Realmz"
Copyright 2001 by Tha Baud Boyz (ASCAP) and Island Records
Chorus:
Yeah, ya'll, It's the b-a-u d-boy-z
We in the house most definitely
Comin' wit' something that you can't be or see
Our 12-sided lyrical D-I-C-E
Be gettin' thrown down like Bugbears in AD&D
Yo, yo, my name is Dat Killa Hobbit
If it's a MUD mob, I'll rob it
An enchanted vial of potion, I lob it
My light sabers cuts like Lorena Bobbit
hey ya'll, It was about 12:00 o'clock the other day
I was in the basement, watchin' Anime
It was Akira and Sailor Moon, ese
I wacked off, cause them anime chicks is hot-tays
I'm Dat Killa H
and Baud Boyz in the place
Hey hey
once again it's Robyrt J
with fresh lyrics that's k
rad
you get mad
cause you ain't got what I have
A level 20 monk of alignment bad
Yeah
I ain't gonna
take a bath
'til I stops my raps
My flows end never
so I guess I'mma stay dirty like leather
My asshole shitty like weather
When it comes to XP, I got the most
My name is Robyrt Jordyn, outtie G, I'm ghost
Yo, what up ya'll, the sound is MC Geddy Lee
Flows quicker than kiddie porn downloads on IRC
I read the X-Men, I read it a lot
I'mma tell ya something
That chick Storm is hot
I was at a comic con late last year
When I spotted a dude in some Vulcan ears
He said "I'm Robyrt J, let's drink some root beer!"
We hooked up with tha lil' homey, Killa Hob
This is the clique: Baud Boyz, dogg!
We comin with tha 56 flex
Much mad doper than your wack verbal contest
Oh shit, Xena's on right now, I guess I'm gonna rest
Peace
Be on the look out for the new kings of rap, Tha Baud Boyz, very soon. Rumor has it the first video on MTV will be a take off of "The Empire Strikes Back," starring Dat Killa Hobbit as Darth Vader. Biatch!
|
