Sleepinol

by Balian

I first ODed on Sleepinal a year ago. I had insomnia issues and my mom bought me some "safe" sleeping pills. Then one night, I had had enough of life, and I downed the whole box. After about 20 minutes, I realized I didn't want to die, so I set my alarm to go off around 2 am (it was about midnight) so it would wake me up and keep me from becoming unconscious.

Well, when my alarm went off, it woke me, but when I tried to turn it off, I realized I couldn't control my hands. They were shaking so badly, and each time I tried to touch the alarm clock, my arms would convulse. Then I noticed I no longer had any depth of field in my vision. Things could be a foot away from me, and I would try to grab them, but I was always reaching either too close or too far.

At about this time, I realized I really had to pee. I sat up and almost blacked out because everything was spinning so fast. I slowly tried to stand up but I fell over, so I had to literally crawl to the bathroom (turns out Sleepinal is a diuretic, which explains the sudden urge to pee, and that I was acting drunk). Once I had taken care of business, I crawled back to my room. At this point, my eyes felt like they were on fire, so I grabbed a hand mirror and looked. I was shocked. My pupils were dialated to the point where you could barely see my iris. No wonder I couldn't see well.

Then the spiders came. My room is pitch black, yet it was as if I had nightvision. I would look on the floor and all these massive bowling ball sized spiders were crawling around. They were yellow puss colored with very swollen abdomens and black bands on their unproportionately long legs. That's when I got the bright idea to try to catch one. So I grabbed a jar (my brain wasn't working right and for some reason I figured that a huge spider could fit into a small jar) and tried to catch it. But as soon as I touched the spider, it turned into smoke and disappeared. Then I looked at the walls only to see that millions upon millions of black dots (mini spiders) were running along the joints in the ceiling and the walls. After watching the spiders for about an hour, my friend Alex walked into the room. I tried to say hi, but all that came out was a whisper. I had no voice. He just looked at me, sat on the floor, and turned on the TV. (remember, all this is a hallucination). I got mad because I thought my parents would wake up, so I threw the remote at him. At this point, he disappeared, and I quickly forgot about him.

Although my TV wasn't on, I kept thinking it was and I kept trying to turn it off even though it wasn't on in the first place. I also remember being able to mentally recite poems that I was making up in my head at alarming rates. They would sound really good, but as soon as I tried to remember them, I'd completely forget what I was thinking about and I'd lay down and start hallucinating again. Now comes the most terrifying hallucination I have ever had. I was sitting on my bed, looking around, when I happened to look at the door. Remember, my brain is non functional at this time. I looked at the crack at the bottom of the door, where it meets the floor. In reality, it's about an inch of space, but that night, it seemed like 6 inches. I looked and saw a flesh covered skull with black holes for the eyes staring at me from under the door. I quickly laid back and pretended I was asleep.

Then my door opened and the creature walked over to my bed (which is a matress on the floor). When I looked up at it, I realized it wasn't a creature but my ex, John. At first I was happy to see him, and I tried talking to him, but he just smiled and put a finger to his lips, which was a cruel joke since I couldn't produce any sound other than a mere whisper. Then he lunged at me and raped me. Now, I've been raped in reality, and this was not at all different. When I woke up in the morning, I had bruises (most likely from me thrashing around and hitting myself on the nightstand), I was sore (involuntary muscle spasms), and I felt as if I had really been raped again. I have a big dog who is very protective of me, but when I took a shower that morning, I put chairs under all the doorknobs of the doors leading outside and I locked myself in the bathroom (I was home alone). I felt disgusting, perverted, guilty, I was a wreck.

Overall, my hallucinogenic episode lasted about 10 hours. Throughout the day I saw mini tornadoes in my back yard, I'd hear someone calling out my name, I actually held a conversation with my dog, and I would see Snoopy run across the room every 5 minutes. Sad thing is, no matter how bad my episode was, I kept taking Sleepinal. Each time I saw spiders, and each time the face would appear under the door, but it wouldn't come in anymore. I also hallucinated that I was driving, and that I was scared shitless of being pulled over and arrested. In one particular hallucination, I went on a killing spree and massacred everyone in my entire neighborhood. In another, I felt as if I was drowning and I had to punch my throat repeatedly just to get myself to breathe.

My addiction to Sleepinal has changed my life forever. Now, I just start hallucinating at random times, for example, I went to work yesterday and I saw a rabbit run across the kitchen floor (I work in a restaurant). I often get very perverse and morbid thoughts. The only good to come out of any of this is that I have found a new side of me when it comes to art. Now I understand how people can create such trippy works of art--they feed off of what they see. I haven't ODed on Sleepinal in about a month, and I'm trying my best not to start again, but the urge is there, every day.