I like the drugs, but the drugs hate me

by DrGonzo

This might be a bit long, so not many people are going to bother reading it. I don't mind.

You might want to consider reading the bottom story though.

Everyday some scientist discovers a new bad side-effect of some drug. More brain cells killed, memory loss, liver malfunctions, neural breakdowns, etc. We are getting more and more aware of the hazards that come along with drug (ab)use. And yet, there is no sign at all that people are cutting down, or even stopping their habits.

So why do we choose drugs? Why do we choose to destroy our body? Is there an explicit reason? Let's try and find out. First of all, let's break down our druggies into a couple of groups:

Number 1

This is just the plain stoner. He likes to just relax, smoke a bowl or two, and mellow out. Can't be bothered to do eh .. anything, he prefers to just watch it all go by. He doesn't care if he's smart or dumb, because he takes life the way it is. An overall happy person ..

Number 2

This is just the plain drunk. He likes to drink a lot, preferable with company, but alone's not a problem. Loves to hang around at pubs, parties, or any place where he can get his alcohol. He doesn't like other drugs, like weed or hard drugs. He and his bottle are best friends.

Number 3

The psychonaut. He lives for mind-expansion. Loves to do all sorts of drugs, for the sole purpose of exploring every little corner in his mind. He knows that doing drugs has to be done in moderation, with the guidance of experience & weeks to months of preparation. He'll spend hours creating the right music-play list, and another hour to write his trip report down.

Number 4

He does drugs because it's `cool'. Mostly accompanied by a very weak mind, and not one of the most clever persons around. All his friends are into drugs, and he's afraid he'll stay out of the group if he doesn't join. He wouldn't have started on his own, but hey we're all sheep aren't we?!

Number 5

This group is thrown into it. I.e., born in a very poor habitat. He has to be very strong to survive, has nothing to look forward to and no securities at all. Depends on the person whether he'll become addicted to hard drugs, but there's a fairly big chance.

Number 6

Spoiled brats. Their lives are near perfection, mom and dad take care of everything and all is already planned ahead. Not much to do all day, and since money's not a problem, it's easy to seek a change & danger in drugs.

Number 7

The heroin addict. You'll see them wandering around in the city. Nobody knows how their addiction started, bad friends? From one drug to another? Failed psychonauts? They're doomed anyway.

{ I can't be bothered to think up more, perhaps some other day, if you have `em, post at the forum }

What we see here is that every group has a specific reason. You use a drug, enjoy yourself (c'mon, the first trip always r0x [except psychoactives]), find nirvana and decide to do it again. You hear about the bad side effects, have a good laugh about it and use some more. Because most drugs are used in a group, you feel that the bond is getting thicker. Everything seems better, until ZANG some event/feeling smashes the entire world around you. This can be everything, from something that has been said, to something you finally found out. You realize that everything you believed in is all a lie, a breakable piece of glass. And it's shattered now. So what d'you do? You use some more. Desperately trying to glue the pieces back together. But this will only lead you from bad, to worse.

Of course, this little rant doesn't count for everybody. This leads me to my next point, the question "are drugs bad or good?". I find this question to be, dumb. You cannot state them good or bad, like you cannot state a lifestyle good or bad. Some people prefer being a rocket scientist, some people clean toilets, other work at banks, if the same would go for everybody; this world would see its doom. Some drugs have far worse effects on a person than another. I.e., you have a weak mind. You tend to get depressed, but manage to climb up somehow. Then you discover weed, which gives you a nice backdoor from life. You go through the door as much as you can, where nobody can find you. Until a couple of months later, you find your memory destroyed, you're getting dumb, you stay depressed and you've fucked up school. There's no turning back, you single-handedly destroyed your life. At the same time, somebody else discovers weed. He does it a lot, enjoys himself, no memory loss & everything goes fine. Why doesn't it work for person 1? No-one knows. But it's a fact that different people, different effects. It's up to you to find out whether you can stand it or not. And that's a -huge- responsibility, since your life depends on it. Don't act the hero and force your way through it, save yourself and quit while you're ahead.

Fact is, we don't care about what goes on inside our body. Sometimes it even feels good to be wasted. What we don't see, what we don't care about. Personal amusement comes first. But of course, there are the groups of people that think the other way around. But even those are likely to have an addiction; this can be from sugar to fat to coffee to water. It makes us feel good for a while, and pushes away our problems. This is fine, until you're using really body-devastating drugs.

It's a rule of thumb to not use strong drugs to escape your everyday life. The buzz will go, but your life will stay. The high isn't that fun, because nothing can touch that thing inside your head, telling you your life sucks. The only way is, I guess, when there is absolutely nothing to look forward to. But don't let you blind yourself; life has a funny way to patch you back up.

If you're still interested in drugs usage, let me give you a few pointers.

Don't act like you're o so fucking tough. Moderation on everything (that counts for this rule too, by the way). Some drugs, especially hard drugs, will almost force you to use more. You're out of energy, but you don't want the night to end. Just stop. Show some backbone goddamned! You'll save money, save brain cells & you have something to be proud of. Really, moderation is what divides the druggies in two.

Preparation is a must, and you'll be grateful after. Of course, it's hardcore to say "ah fuck it, I'll take it anyway", and that's fine by me. Perfect on some occasions too, but the right preparation can make your trip so much better. Like enough cigarettes, wine to fall asleep with, casual weed for after relaxation, healthy stuff for the day after. Experience will teach you exactly what you'll need, don't expect this to go right the first time.

Explore your borders, but don't just break right through them. This will backfire. Don't overuse, don't abuse and don't let go of all senses. Don't live like "there's no tomorrow" because there will be a tomorrow. Do not underestimate any drug, because it'll get around you and fuck you up your arse. This hurts. You are not unbreakable, and drugs have thrown the most strongest of men to their knees. The world is harsh, but you can make every moment a good one for yourself. One that truly understands this has achieved what is in my eyes the goal of life. Do what feels good; there -is- a rational voice inside your head that will guide you. Listen when needed, but also tell it to go screw itself from time to time. No, I'm not schizophrenic. Keep your best friends close, and forgive your enemies. You will make mistakes from time to time, like all, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter if you make the same mistake twice, but after a third time you might start reconsidering it. Life's a game. Are you depressed? Is life getting to you? Fine. Then from that point on, you start doing everything like it's just for fun. Get as much out of it as you can, you can always use your little suicide plan tomorrow. Teachers are not out to get you, they don't care about you. Do you think they're too harsh on you? Wait until you meet your boss. You're at school for you only. Don't ever think you're doing it for somebody else. You have to stand up for yourself in this world; no-one else will do it for you. You wouldn't do it for them either. There's no such thing as `bad karma', except for those that believe in it. Do onto others, before they do you. But helping people from time to time isn't a bad thing. Really. Don't marry. If you really love your (girl)friend, you don't need a ring to prove it. Understand that a relationship costs a lot for both, but it can also bring you joy, understanding and love. Like drugs, it depends on the person whether it's your lifestyle or not. Whatever you do, whatever they do, do not hit a woman. Understand them, it's not that hard. Don't play with a girl's feelings; she's not an object but a living person as well. If you're not interested, just break up. Don't have rules, just guidelines. Master the technique of improvisation, it'll save you more then once. Trust no-one, not even yourself. Analyze everything you hear, don't follow blindly. You have a will of your own.

Enough for now. Go and be happy.