How to Pass A Piss Test

by Anonymous

Nothing, I repeat nothing that you take internally will help you. Vinegar will change the pH only if it is added to the piss, not if you drink it. Besides, they check the pH of your sample and if it's outside of a certain range it is an automatic fail [they figure that it will only happen if you are trying to rig the test]. I've been doing the test thing for almost 20 years, so you can damn well believe what I say. Let's see if I can make this clear: They do not test for the presence of drugs. They are testing for the presence of drug metabolites, which are the by-products your body makes from the drugs as it processes them.

Now, your body produces these metabolites at a certain rate and if they are in your piss they will be detected. No ifs ands or buts about it. The only way to pass is to see that your piss doesn't have any metabolites in it [or a low enough level to not trigger a positive result]. There are two ways to see that this is so. One is to be clean. Lacking that, your only other choice is to drink a lot of water [you really only need to start the night before the test. I've even done it starting the morning of the test] and giving a dilute piss sample. Here's how that works: Consider a glass [your bladder]. Now this glass fills with water [piss]. While it is filling there is a bottle of food coloring [metabolite] that drops a drop once every 5 minutes.

Now overnight the water fills slowly, so that the cup doesn't need to be emptied before you wake up. But when you do get up you have a cup of water that has a lot of food color in it [a drop every 5 minutes, over the course of the night can be a lot]. This is why you never give your first sample of the day. Now, in the regular course of a day, you might fill this glass every 5 or 6 hours or so. In that time you've been having the food color drop every 5 minutes still. So after 5 or 6 hours you still have a measurable amount of food color [metabolites] in your water [piss]. This is no good, either. Now, say you drink a lot of water before going to the test [and I would strongly recommend drinking coffee, too, since it make you piss a lot], and you piss several times before you take the test [they won't let you piss there until the test, so be sure that you've pissed a few times before you go in]. Then when you actually take the test it has been [usually] no more than an hour, at the most, since you last emptied the cup [pissed]. This would leave, at most, 12 drops of food coloring in the water, which is below the measurable limit. Of course the color of your piss will be clear. This will make them suspicious. Taking B-complex mega vitamins [start on them at least 3 days before your test] will make your piss yellow, even if you just pissed three times in 15 minutes. This should do the trick. I hope this has answered the question about piss tests once and for all [but I doubt it].