Green Fields

by Jay Molotov

“Wine is fine, Liquor is quicker, Weed kicks ass, while alcohol makes you sicker.”

Ok, we’ve all seen those commercials about how weed is bad and all that yuppie shit. Yeah, we’ve seen the one where the kid shoots his friend like a dumb fuck, and the one where there’s some idiot rolling up 4 cigarettes trying to inform people that Marijuana is harmful because one joint contains that amount of tar and what not. Well, let’s start nipping this garbage at the buds of it. Now there are only few reasons left for not legalizing fucking grass, and let’s go through them, right-o…now there’s different methods for consuming and we all know this. Pipes, Bongs, Joints, Blunts, Vaporizers, Dugouts, Pinch hitters, Cooking methods, along with Drinking methods (Green-Dragon) and so on and so forth.

Handling Skins

Probably the most traditional of methods for smoking grass is the authentic chopped up marijuana rolled into a thin cigarette paper (Zigzags, Rizzla’s, JOB’s, Bambu’s, Cool Jay’s, Juicy Jay’s, Lion of Judah’s, etc.) now the thing about joints is you have to get them just right, not too tight otherwise you’ll have to suck so hard your eyes will gouge out of your fucking skull, and not too loose because then your weed will fall out or it will burn unevenly and it gets all fucked up. Now the best thing to do is to chop up the weed with a pair of scissors so you get a clean cut and what not, if there are no scissors around you can always use what god gave you (Your hands for those of you who’ve been on the moon the last 50 years.)

Now you need a hard sturdy surface to do the work on, If you use a unstable uneven surface weed could fall and shit like that (never do it on your pants because a shitload of weed gets stuck on your pants. So get about a nickel bag amount of weed, and chop it up to the point you think it would be suitable for rolling. Remove seeds and stems, then get your papers and fold into a hotdog fold. Now put the weed inside so that it is enough for you to handle, don’t over fill it because a bunch will fall out, plus you might want to save some for a joint later on. After you’ve got the weed in the hotdog position, you close the bun and roll it between your middle finger and your thumb, like when you do the international money sign. Of course you could always use a dollar, but whatever.

Now once its close together, make sure it’s just enough to make it shaped, don’t pack it too tight like I said earlier. All you got to do is tuck one side of the bun to the top of the shaped weed and the little thin oval over until one side of the bun is completely gone and all that’s left is the side of the bun with the gum (sticky glue like on envelopes) then lick that just enough you moisten the gumming, then roll the rest of the way till it’s a whole with no flaps hanging out.

Depending on how well you did it, you can smoke it, or you might have made it too loose and have to push in one side to pack it in tighter. Once your joint is firm like a cigarette, you just light it up and toke. When the joint is nearly burnt to the unlit end, it will begin to burn your hands. At this point the joint is called a roach, and you can smoke the rest of it by using a pipe, a pinch hitter, or by clipping it with a clip of any kind. Joints are especially good when your relaxing in a secure environment… well, they’re good anywhere.

Pieces

This here is an easy way to smoke grass, and it’s fast too for people who want to get straight to baking. Pipes are one of the most popular methods for people who have a hard time rolling and such. It makes you look like a little junkie, but when you’re high who gives a flying Jesus fuck, right? Now smoking out of a pipe has it’s advantages and disadvantages, but nothings perfect. The anatomy of a pipe is relatively simple, it consists of a bowl that looks like this (______) and a chamber that usually looks something like this if it’s a simple pipe:::::::::::::::::::::::: and mouth piece. So the whole diagram looks like this

(____):::::::::::::::()o-

got it?

The bowl part usually has a screen to keep the grass from flying into your mouth and shit, but glass pipes don’t need a screen because they’ve got a small enough hole. The bowl is obviously where the weed is placed into and burned. The good thing about pipes is that you don’t need to chop up the weed, plus after you use it enough you get residue in the pipes bowl and chamber made up of concentrated resin that you can smoke if your feeling adventurous or if your shit out of weed. Now depending on the type of pipe you have, there will be a carburetor or in short a carb. What this does is let in extra air so that the smoke inside the chamber of the pipe will enter your lungs too. Usually it’s glass pipes that have this little device. What you do is hold the carb with one of your fingers and light the bowl and inhale. Then when once you start getting some let go of the carb for a sec and inhale the smoke inside and repeat if you want more. Some people don’t get it, but I assure you, it’s easy as fuck. Pipes are good, they were one of my favorites back in the day, the only bad thing about It is the hot smoke that will make your throat feel scratchy and worn and you’ll need something to drink unless you wanna feel a shitty uncomfortable high. But whatever floats your boat man.

Bongs

One of my personal favorites, water pipes also known as bongs, which works a lot like the pipe but with more advantages. Now bongs are made up of a bowl connected to a tube that goes into water and a carb. Now bong smoke is healthier because some of the toxins in weed are soluble in water, and it eliminates some of the bad shit leaving you with almost nothing but the goodies. A bong usually is made of a tube that goes upwards looks something like this

ß this side up =======( o )

^chamber ^bowl

shitty diagram I know, but stomach with me. Now you suck the top of the chamber and the burning grass in the bowl will go through the stem (the tube that goes into the water) and the water will bubble, it’s all scientific folks you learn this in physics. This process cools down the smoke so you will inhale more without hurting your throat, plus bongs have lots of room for smoke. This is where the carb comes in. While using a bong, what you do is inhale till the chamber is filled with thick smoke, then you let go of the carb and suck in. If your not a heavy smoker you should start with only a little, otherwise you wont realize how much smoke your inhaling and choke your fucking lungs out of your mouth, and that shit fucking hurts. So play it cool brother.

Blunts

A favored among the blacks for some odd reason that I am yet looking into, but as we go along. The anatomy of an everyday blunt is real simple, it’s the same as a joint but instead of normal paper, it’s wrapped in tobacco. Yeah, a blunt is a cigar emptied out and filled with grass. Now the anatomy is simple, but creating a blunt is not quite as simple if you’re a novice smoker. Well, let’s start simple, first you need a cigar… you need a respectable size, not one of those huge fucking Cubans, just a swisher sweet’s or a phillies blunt, or a black and mild with the mouth piece cut off… or you could just buy a blunt wrap. Now with a blunt wrap is similar to rolling a joint, you don’t need to go through the preparation process. For this instruction session I’m going to use a swisher sweet as the choice of cigar. Now what you do is you take the cigar, and lick one side of it. Let your saliva soak on it for about 15 seconds, then take a blade (or a credit card or a school ID… just anything with a firm slightly pointed edge) and cut the soft wet part of the cigar (with a Card you wont be able to cut it by sliding it, so you’ll have to poke it several times till you completely open it up. Now that it’s opened take all the tobacco out and save it for later (Don’t waste tobacco brother) and replace the tobacco with your grass. You need to put a nice amount to accommodate the size of the blunt, so once you’ve got that done you can continue onto rolling it. Now you use the same process as you would a joint, if you don’t remember see the Handling Skins section above ^.

Now the thing about it is, you don’t have any gumming on the cigar, so how do you make it stick? Well tobacco wrapping like all wrapping, will stick fairly well with enough saliva. Sounds gross I know, but in a few minutes you won’t give half a fuck. So you love it with your tongue while patting down loose flaps with your fingers. Ok, I must stress the fact that you need lots and lots of mother fucking saliva. Now once your blunt is sealed nice and firm with your saliva, you need to let it dry. Never, never, never, put your lighter underneath it to dry it, because when you do that, the blunt will dry up too fast making it dry as hell, which leads to it cracking easily. Just let it sit tight for about a minute and it will dry out on its own. Now all you got to do is light it up, and toke it up. Blunts are good for several reasons. They add a nice smooth taste to your smoke that makes it just fucking wonderful. It also slows the burning rate, so you can smoke longer, or smoke with a bigger number of people without it becoming a roach on the second rotation. Another thing is you can always put it out real easy, and light it up again with no problems. Ok, i strayed from the point of the subject.. so i guess this is more of a "how to" article than a "Legalize it" article. but you know they should, godammit. THEY SHOULD! and for a lot of reasons.. that im too fucking hot to go into.. so you know... shit..