Stealing Bikes: An Expert's Advice

by aplz

Are you either bored, in-need of money, need a bike, or some other shit? Let me tell you how.

For years now fake ass 'anarchist' kids who dont even know the meaning of anarchy, have been writing up bullshit text files about stealing, making bombs, drugs or whatever. It pisses me off having to sort through all the bull posted on the web, especially about stealing, by 14 year old kids in the early stages of puberty, write up assumptions on how things work. They will write up how to steal, type like a faggot in lame AOL Chat type talk, spell things wrong, and above all, dont know what the fuck they're talking about.

Pick a night. Any night. Perferably weeknights as familys go to sleep early due to school / work. Weekends they're either home, uplate, tweaked on meth and paranoid, or whatever. Find a neighbourhood other then your own, and find townhouse a townhouse complex or two since they're close, tend not to have motion sensor lights, or dogs (rules about living there). If you know the area, and are going to hit up more then one complex, only do ones that appear to have the most kids and young adults occupying the residences. That way you have a better chance then trying some gay eldery persons house. Ok so you have the area, group of houses. Make sure it's 3:00AM or so, no later as people get up at 4:30 - 5:00AM for work. Walk past the front yards of the places first, as some kids just leave the bikes out laying where ever. If you find one, leave it for now as you may run into better bikes. Make your way around to the rear side of the houses. Walking slowly to cover your foot steps of breaking sticks and such, go up to each fence gate, and take a peak over. If you can't see good, bring a small light to shine over. Keep looking untill you see a bike. Now, once you see a bike, don't grab it unless you're sure thats the one you want. Keep looking as you may run into better, sexier, more expensive bikes. If so, grab it. If not, make your way back and grab the bike you like.

Now, for not getting caught while scouting the yards. Don't listen to pussy kids and say wear gloves. Cops dont go to extremes when a bike is reported stolen. It's on there last things to investigate during there day. They do NOT dust for prints either! As long as you walk slowly, try not to walk into anything, and when opening a gate (if it's locked), feel the lock mechanisim first and familiarize yourself with it for a few seconds. Once you're sure how to open it (i.e which way it slides, or unlatches) go ahead and open it. Take quiet steps to the bike, and check for a lock, and grab it. Pick it up and carry it out. Don't ride it as a kickstand maay be down and drag, tire may be flat to your suprise, or it may be chained (hard to tell in the dark) and result in you ripping down a fence board. Dogs? Well they'll usually start barking while you're scouting for bikes, and the family wont wake up as it could be a racoon or skunk.

Lastly, if there living room window is located there, and lights are on, attempt to tell if a TV is on. Chances are you can steal a bike no problem due to the light in the room (shadows of you aren't visible), volume is loud, or they're jacking off to porn and don't care.

One more thing. If you see any lights on, don't run at first, they could just be going to take a shit. If you see any blinds moving or any other lights in other rooms turn on, run. Somebody may come after you with a pipe.

This phile has been produced by aplz. It may be freely distrubuted, because we all know free stuff is great! Enjoy, and don't get caught.