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CTC #3 - Frauds and Scams volume one. Includes Ho
NOTICE: TO ALL CONCERNED Certain text files and messages contained on this site deal with activities and devices which would be in violation of various Federal, State, and local laws if actually carried out or constructed. The webmasters of this site do not advocate the breaking of any law. Our text files and message bases are for informational purposes only. We recommend that you contact your local law enforcement officials before undertaking any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site. We do not guarantee that any of the information contained on this system is correct, workable, or factual. We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site.
June 1995 Corellian
#3 Trade Corps
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F r a u d s A n d S c a m s V o l u m e O n e
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Welcome To CTC #3, June 1995. This Issue Deals With Various Frauds, Scams,
And Ripoffs That Can Be Used To Your Benefit. So Without Further Ado...
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Contents: CTC #3, June 1995: Frauds And Scams Volume One:
1 - Finding Your New Self
2 - Becoming Someone Else
3 - Killer Carding
4 - Random Asshole Techniques
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'''''''''''''''F i n d i n g Y o u r N e w S e l f`````````````````````
So, You Wanna Be A Rotten Filthy Scumbag Who Uses People, Takes From Them,
Begs, Borrows And Steals From Corporations And Instututions, And Basically
Rapes The System For Everything It's Got? Well Then You've Definately Come
To The Right Place.
You Won't Be Needing A Multi-Million Dollar Mainframe Or A College Degree
In Electronics To Get Started On The Long And Winding Road To Success. All
You'll Need Is A Little Initiative, Some Creativity, And A Serious Lack Of
Compassion For The Poor Fuckers That Are About To Become Prey To Your Major
Acts Of Ruthlessness.
The First Step Is To Find Out Who You Want To Rape And Pillage From. There
Are So Many Choices, But Few That Will Really Pay Off. Now Since Everything
You Are Going To Be Doing Is Completely Illegal, You Might As Well Start By
Breaking Some Federal Laws. That Way, Everything Else Will Seem Trivial.
What We Need First Are Credit Cards, Atm Cards, Pin Numbers, Bank Account
Numbers, Social Security Numbers, And Anything Else That Can Be Used To Our
Advantage. Now We All Know That Trashing (Digging Through Dumpsters And Old
Trash Cans) Can Yield Many, If Not All, Of These Numbers And Information.
But This Method Requires You To Either Dig Through Assloads Of Trash Cans
And Dumpsters And Putting Together Thousands Of Pieces Of Paper And Carbons
In Hopes Of Finding Something That May Or May Not Be Useful Information For
Any Number Of Random People And Companies. Not Only Is It Time Consuming,
And A Major Pain In The Ass, It Is Also Extremely Boring.
So What We Need Is Something Quick, Fun And Easy. Welcome To The Wonderful
World Of Mail Stealing. Yes, That's Right, Today We Begin Stealing Mail. It
Is Much Easier Than Sifting Through Mounds Of Garbage, And It Allows You To
Pinpoint Your Targeted Victim.
The Possibilities Are Virtually Endless. The Easiest Targets Are Those Big
Roadside Mailboxes That You Find In Rural And Suburban Areas. They Usually
Say "123 Shit Street" And "Frank Fatassol Jr." On The Side, And Are Quickly
And Easily Accessible Without Putting Yourself At Major Risk. All You Do Is
Go Up To The Mailbox, Open It, Take All The Mail And Leave. This Can Really
Be Good At Apartment Complexes And Trailer Courts Where The Mailboxes Are A
Big Cluster, Where You Have Five Or Six Boxes In One Place.
There Are Also The Houses With The Old-School Mailboxes Located Up On The
Porch Next To The Front Door. These Require Bigger Balls Or A Good Scheme
In Order To Get To Them. One Way Is To Act Like You Are Selling Newspaper
Or Magazine Subscriptions Or Cookies Or Some Shit Like That. That Way You
Can Just Walk Up To The Front Door And Ring The Doorbell. If Someone Comes
To The Door, You Can Try To Sell Your Shit To Them, And After You're Done
Talking To Them, Just Snag The Mail From The Box As You Leave. My Favorite
One Is To Go Into A Rich All-White Yuppie Neighborhood And Try To Sell Them
A Subscription To Jet Or Ebony. It's Better To Get The Mail As You Leave,
Instead Of Before For Several Reasons.
First, A Lot Of People Are Paranoid And Look Through Their Windows All The
Time And They'll Be Watching You As You Walk Up To Their Door. It Also Lets
You Find Out If Anyone Is Home, And It's Kind Of Hard To Talk To Some Old
Guy About A Newspaper Subscription While You're Standing There Holding Onto
A Big Handful Of His Mail.
Now On To Post Office Boxes. Most P.O. Boxes Are Located Inside The Postal
Building, Lined Up On The Wall In Long Rows And Columns, And They Are Open
In The Back So The Cliff Claven Types Can Easily Sort The Mail And Stick It
In The Boxes. So ALl You Gotta Do Is Get A Post Office Box, Reach Inside It
And Grab The Mail In Adjacent Boxes. Make Sure To Get One Somewhere In The
Middle, So You'll Have Eight Boxes That Are Within Your Reach. Sometimes In
Certain Post Offices, The Boxes Are Shallow Enough For You Reach Across Or
Down To Two Or Three Boxes Away If You Have Long Arms. You Can Also Employ
The Use Of A Mechanical Claw Or "Grabber", Which Is A Long Metal Arm With
Three Or Four Retractable Claws On The End, And Is Available At Most Local
Hardware And Tool Stores. This Will Let You Reach Mail That Is Farther Away
Without You Needing To Be Double Jointed. Be Careful Not To Drop Any Mail
On The Floor Behind The Wall, As This Will Tip Off The Postal Employees Of
Your Scamming, And It Won't Be Too Hard To Narrow Down The List Of Suspects
Based On The Origin Of The Mail.
Now, To Make The Most Of Your Mail Stealing. There Are Certain Times For
Mail Stealing That Will Allow You To Get The Best Shit Available. First, Is
The Time Of Day. You Should Try To Get To The Mail As Soon As Possible Just
After The Mailman Comes And Delivers The Mail. Doing This Will Make Sure Of
Getting All The Mail That Day, And Since It Is Usually In The Early Part Of
The Afternoon, Most People Will Be At Work Or At School Or Off Shopping, So
There's Less Chance Of Getting Caught As Well.
The First Week Of The Month Is The Best Time For Getting Bank Statements,
As Most Banks Send Out Their Account Summaries And Reports On The Last Day
Of The Month. This Is Also The Time To Snag Welfare And Social Security Pay
Checks.
The Last Week Of The Month Is When The Boxes Are Full Of Bills From Almost
Every Company You Can Imagine, Because The Majority Of Payments Are Due On
The First Of The Month. This Is Also The Time When People Mail Out Checks
And Money Orders To These Same Companies.
The Beginning Of The Year Is Also A Great Time For Finding W-2 Forms From
Employers And Companies That Mail Them...W-2 Forms Are Used For FIling Your
Taxes, And They Show Everything From Social Security Number To Wages Earned
And All Kinds Of Other Nifty Shit. Also, Along The Same Lines, June Is When
The Majority Of Income Tax Refund Checks Are Received In The Mail.
All Of These Pieces Of Mail Are Important Because Many Of Them Will List
Account Numbers And Personal Information. And Of Course The Checks Can Be
Used For Obvious Reasons. Don't Worry, I'll Show You How To Cash Them Later
In The File.
If You Know The Birthday Of The Person Who Owns The Mailbox, Be Sure To
Grab All His Personal Mail The Week Or So Before His Birthday, Because Alot
Of People May Be Sending Him Cash Or Small Gifts.
Now, Once You Have Taken The Pile Of Mail, You Will Only Want To Keep And
Open The Really Good Shit. Anything That You Can't Use Should Be Taken Back
And Placed Back In The Mailbox Later That Night After The People Have Gone
To Sleep And There Aren't Very Many People Milling About Watching You. This
Will Keep The Mailbox Owner From Becoming Overly Suspicious. He'll Just Be
A Little Pissed That The Mail Is A Day Late, If He Even Notices At All.
Personal Mail Should Be Put Back In Most Cases, Because The Person Keeps
In Touch With Those People Usually, And Will Probably Be Expecting The Mail
From His Friends Or Relatives. Also Give Him Back All The Junk Mail Like
Advertisements, Catalogs, And Flyers. Leave The Magazines And Newspapers,
Although If You Find A Porno Mag Like Playboy Or Penthouse, You Might Want
To Rub Certain Parts Of Your Body On The Pictures Before Putting It Back In
The Box.
Basically, Only Keep What You Need. When Opening The Mail You DO Keep, You
Want To Avoid Ripping Or Tearing The Envelopes If At All Possible. A Great
Way Of Doing This Is To Steam The Envelope Open, Using The Steam From Water
That Is Boiling In A Pan Or Kettle, Like Thos Old Steam Coffee Kettles. You
Can Also Use A Sharp Knife Or Letter Opener, Being Careful Not To Rip The
Edges Of The Envelope Flap. By Not Damaging The Envelope, You Can Re-glue
It Shut Later After You Have Read The Contents, And Put It Back In The Box
With The Rest Of The Mail. The Less That The Guy Is Missing, The Better Are
Your Chances Of Not Being Discovered, Which Will In Turn Allow You To Steal
More Mail In The Future From The Same Place.
Now Choosing Your Target Victim Is A Pretty Simple Job. As You Go Through
The Mail, You'll Find A Lot Of Useful Information. If The Person Is Getting
Bills From Collection Agencies, Chances Are That He Is Fucking Broke And
Can't Pay His Bills, So His Accounts Won't Be Of Much Use To You.
Along The Same Lines, If A Guy Is Driving An Old Beat-Up 1977 Nova, Which
Has Been Painted With Black K-Mart Spraypaint, Chances Are He Can't Afford
A Better Car, So You Should Leave Those Guys Alone Too.
Also, If You Have Very Recently Aquired An ATM Or Credit Card, You Should
Get The Info On The Owner Of The Card And Exploit It Before He Notices That
His Precious Visa Gold Is Missing. Just Look Up The Name On The Card In The
Local Phone Book, And Head Over To The Address Listed And Hope For That One
Piece Of Mail With His Pin Number On It. You Might Also Find Some Info On
The Guy To Use As A Pin Number, Like The Last Four Numbers Of His Social
Security Number, Or Last Four Digits In His Phone Number, Birthday In The
xx/xx Month/Year Format, Etc. Just Remember That If You Try These Numbers,
Most ATM Machines Will Eat The Card After Three Incorrect Attempts, So Try
Only Two Numbers, And Then Move On To A Different Machine.
Never Try To Use These Lost Or Stolen Cards In A Store, Because If They've
Reported The Card As Stolen, It Will Show Up When The Store Clerk Tries To
Validate The Card. The Exception Is The Back-Woods Redneck-Marts That Don't
Have The Online Credit Validation Systems, Where You Should Be Safe As Long
As You Have A Good Fake I.D.
If You Or A Friend Of Yours Works Somewhere That Accepts Credit Cards For
Payment, Then You Can Just Rape The Card For All It's Worth And Toss It. We
Will Now Move On To More Intricate Schemes.
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''''''''''''''B e c o m i n g S o m e o n e E l s e``````````````````````
A Fake I.D. Is A Great Thing, But It Has Its Disadvantages. Most Fakes Are
Just A Picture With Some Phony Info On The Card, Good For Getting Into Bars
And Clubs If You Are Under 21, And For A Few Other Small Schemes. But That
Is The End Of Their Usefullness. You Can't Give A Standard Fake I.D. To A
Cop If You Get Pulled Over Because The Numbers Won't Cross Unless You Have
A Really Good One.
What We Need Is A Real ID That Is Fully Valid And Can Be Used For Anything
From Passports To Credit Cards And Anything Else You Can Imagine. This Can
Be A Real Pain In The Ass To Get, But Once You Have It, The Possibilities
Are Endless.
Now To Start Off You Are Going To Need Either A Fake ID, With Your Picture
On It. The Name On The ID Should Be The Name Of A Real Person Who You Plan
On Becoming. The Address Should Be A Place Other Than Your House Where You
Can Get Mail, Or A Post Office Box Rented Under Someone Else's Name Using
The Fake ID Previously Described. If You Don't Have The Fake ID's, You Will
Need A Corrupt Notary Public. It Would Be Extremely Advantageous To Become
A Notary Public Yourself. The Possibilities Of This Are Without Boundary.
I Will Assume That You Have Fake ID's For The Rest Of This File, Because
If You Are A Notary Or Know Of A Corrupt One Then It Shouldn't Be Too Hard
To Improvise With The Contents Of This File.
Now You Need To Gather All The Information On Your Target. The Target Is
The Poor Bastard Who You Are About To Become. Now You Must Begin Obtaining
The Documents That Will Prove You Are This Person. The Easiest To Start Off
With Is A Birth Certificate. You Will Need A Birth Certificate That Has The
County Seal On It From The Place Of Issue. If You Cannot Find One Of These
By Ransacking The Person's House, Or Choose To Bypass That Process, Then It
Is Time To Order One Through The Mail. This Is The Easiest Document To Get.
First, Call 1-800-772-1213. This Is The Social Security Office. You Will Be
Doing Two Things At This Number. First, Use The Automated Service From A
Touch Tone Phone To Request Applications For A REPLACEMENT Social Security
Card. Request Two Applications For "Replacement Of A Lost Card" To Be Sent
To The Fake Address. Give Them All The Fake Info For The Person Who Is Your
Target, Using The Address Where You Will Be Getting The Mail. After You Are
Done, Hang Up And Call Back. Select The "I Wanna Speak To A Live Person Now
Or Else You All Fucking Die" Option. When You Have A Live Operator, Inform
Them That You Need The Phone Number And Address Of The Department Of Vital
Statistics For Shit County Tennessee. This Is The Place Where The Target Is
From, Where He Was Born, And Where The Birth Certificate Was Issued. Please
Don't Use My Example Literally. You Should Use The Actual County And State
Where The Person Was Born In Place Of Shit County Tennessee.
Now You Need To Call Or Write The Vital Stats Department And Request To
Apply For A New Original Birth Certificate. Different Places Vary On What's
Required To Get This, But There Is Usually A Seven To Twelve Dollar Fee For
The Certificate And You May Need To Either Give Them Specific Info Over The
Phone Or Mail In Some Certified Documents To Prove Who You Are.
Now The Social Security Card Application Is A Real Pain In The Ass. These
People Don't Fuck Around. This Is What The Application Looks Like:
SOCIAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
Application For A Social Security Card
Inside is the form you need to apply for a Social Security Card. You can
also use this form to replace a lost card or to change your name on your
card. This service is free. But before you go on to the form, please read
through the rest of this page. We want to cover some facts you should know
before you apply.
PAGE 1
IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A SOCIAL SECURITY CARD
If you were born in the U.S. and have never had a Social Security Number,
you must complete this form and show us documents that show your age,
citizenship, and who you are. Usually all we need from you are:
- Your Birth Certificate; AND
- Some form of identity, such as a drivers license, school record or
medical record. See page 2 for more examples.
We prefer to see your birth certificate. However we will accept a
hospital record of your birth made before you were 5 years old, or a
religious record of your age or birth made before you were 3 months old.
WE MUST SEE ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS OR CERTIFIED COPIES. UNCERTIFIED COPIES
ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE. You may apply at any age, but if you are 18 or older
when you apply for your first Social Security card, you must apply in
person. Please see the special requirements on page 4 if you were born
outside the U.S., if you are not a U.S. citizen, or if you need a card
for a child.
IF YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR CARD
To replace your card, all we usually need is one type of identification
and this completed form. See page 2 for examples of documents we will
accept. If you were born outside the U.S. you must also submit proof of
U.S. citizenship or lawful alien status. Examples of the documents we
will accept are on page 4. Remember, we must see original documents or
certified copies.
IF YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR NAME ON YOUR CARD
If you already have a number, but need to change your name on our
records, we need this completed form and a document that identifies you
by both your old and new names. Examples include a marriage certificate,
a divorce decree, or a court order that changes your name. Or, we will
accept two documents-one with your old name and one with your new name.
See page 2 for examples of documents we will accept. If you were born
outside the U.S. you must also show us proof of U.S. citizenship or
lawful alien status. Examples of documents we will accept are on page 4.
HOW TO APPLY
First complete this form, using the instructions on page 2. Then take or
mail it to the nearest Social Security office. Be sure to take or mail
the originals or certified copies of your documents along with the form.
We will return your documents right away.
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
If you have any questions about this form, or about the documents you
need to show us, please contact any Social Security office. A telephone
call will help you make sure you have everything you need to apply for
your card
PAGE 2
DOCUMENTS THAT SHOW YOUR IDENTITY
Here are some examples of identity documents that we will accept.
-Driver's license
-U.S. Government Or State Employee ID Card
-Your Passport
-School ID Card, record, or report card
-Marriage or divorce record
-Health insurance card
-Clinic, doctor, or hospital records
-Military records
-Court order for name change
-Adoption records
-Church membership or confirmation record
-Insurance policy
We will not accept a birth certificate or hospital record as proof of
your identity. We will accept other documents if they have enough
information to identify you. Remember we must see original documents
or copies certified by the county clerk or other official who keeps
the records
THE APPLICATION / PAGE 3
I'm not going to print the application itself, but it asks for name and
address, citizenship, sex, race/ethnic desription(optional), date of
birth, place of birth, mother's maiden name, father's name, and a
daytime phone number.
PAGE 4
This page has instructions for persons born outside the US or non-US
citizens.
All This Information Should Give You A Decent Idea Of What You Are Going
To Need To Apply For A Social Security Card. If You Have A Really Good ID
And Paperwork, As Well As A Degree In Bullshitting, You Can Apply For The
Card In Person. This Is The Preferred Method As You Will Get All Your Fake
Or Stolen Documents Returned Before You Leave.
Now, When You Have Obtained A Social Security Card And Birth Certificate,
As Well As The Documents You Needed To Apply For Them, Go And Get Yourself
A Driver's License. Note That You Need To Know What State The Target's
Current License Is Issued For. You Must Tell The DMV That You Lost Your
Old License And Need To Apply For A New One. You Should Walk Out Of There
Less Than An Hour Later With A Brand New Driver's License.
Apply For Some Credit Cards, Buy A Car, Get Some Insurance, And All Kinds
Of Other Shit That Will Provide You With Endless Amouts Of Documents And
Paperwork That Prove That You Are Someone Else. After The Initial Steps,
Everything Else Is A Piece Of Cake.
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'''''''''''''''''''''K i l l e r C a r d i n g````````````````````````````
For A Change Of Pace, Let's Do Something That Isn't Too Complicated. Let
Us Make Some Easy Money Without A Great Deal Of Scamming And Effort. Here
Is What You Need To Do.
First, Find An ATM Machine.
Method 1:
Get Some Binoculars And Scope The ATM Machine. When Somebody Uses It, You
Need To Watch Them Punch In Their Pin Number. Once You Have This, You Can
Either Follow The Person And Mug Them, Taking Their Card And Immediately
Withdrawing Max Cash Before They Can Report It As Stolen, Or Wait For Them
To Leave It In Their Car Or Home, And Break In And Steal The Card.
Method 2:
Go To The ATM Late At Night When Hardly Antone Uses It. Coat The Keys On
The Numeric Keypad With Fingernail Polish. Then Wait For Someone To Use
The ATM. Aquire The ATM Card From The Person As Detailed In Method One. If
You Don't Mug The Person Right There On The Spot, After They Leave, Go To
The Machine And Look At The Keypad. You Should Be Able To See A Fingertip
Imprint On The Keys They Punched, Or At Least Some Grease From Their Nasty
Fingers. If You Don't, Then Use A Magnifying Glass And Look Carefully At
The Keypad. The Keys They Used For Their PIN Number Should Stand Out From
The Other Keys. From Here, It's A Guessing Game As To Which Order The Keys
Pressed. If You Don't Get It On The First Two Tries, Move On To Another
ATM Somewhere Else. If You Fuck Up The PIN Number More Than Twice At The
Same Machine, Most ATM's Will Eat The Card And You'll Be Shit Out Of Luck.
Method 3:
Late At Night, Wait For Some Weak Bastard To Use The ATM. Come Up On Him
From Behind And Pull A Gun Or Knife On Him Right After He Punches In His
PIN Number. If He Tries Any Stupid Shit, Kill Him Or Beat The Dogshit Out
Of Him, And Then Rape His Account For All You Can Get. If It's A Female,
Just Beat The Fuck Out Of Her Before She Can Pull Some Mace Or Tear Gas On
You. Trust Me, That Shit Isn't Fun.
Method 4:
Same As Method 3, Only With An Added Bonus. While Beating The Person And
/Or Killing Them, Force Them To Tell You Their PIN Number. When They Tell
You The PIN Number, Scream " Bullshit!!! Don't Lie To Me Bitch Or I'll
Fucking Rape You!!!" They Will Probably Insist That They Are Telling The
Truth So You May Have To Rip Their Clothes Off And Whip Your Cock Out Like
You Are Going To Rape Them. If They Still Don't Give You A Different PIN
Number Then Kill Them And Hope They Were Telling The Truth. Withdraw All
The Money That You Can And Come Back Tomorrow And Try Again. I Would Have
To Suggest Depositing The Body Somewhere Where They Won't Be Found For A
Few Days, And Using A Different ATM The Next Day.
Warning: In All The Above Methods, Watch Out For The Hidden Camera On The
ATM Machines. Wear A Ski Mask Or Paintball Mask When Committing These Most
Heinous Crimes.
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''''''''''R a n d o m A s s h o l e T e c h n i q u e s````````````````
Here Are Just A Few Ways To Make Life More Fun For You And Completely And
Totally Fucked For Those Yuppie Fucks Around You At Any Time. You Should
Begin Using These Techniques Immediately.
1-Ask Somebody How They Are Doing Today, In A Polite Manner. When They
Look Happy That You Actually Care Enough To Ask Them How Their Day Is
Going, And They Begin To Answer, Just Cut Them Off By Replying "That's
Nice" And Walk Away.
2-Drive Down The Street And Hold Down Your Car Horn, While Looking
Straight Ahead. Just Keep Holding The Horn For A Few Seconds, And When
People Start To Look At Your Car,Keep Looking Straight Ahead, And Flip
Them Off Out The Side Window.
3-Call A Random Phone Number. When They Answer, Say "Hey, Guess What?"
When They Say What, Say " I Got The Wrong Fucking Number" And Hang Up.
Call Back Again And Immediately Say "I Did It Again."Then Wait An Hour
And Call Again And Say "Remember Me? Well I Have A Call On The Other
Line So I'll Have To Call Back Later."
4-Call A Random Number And Use The Method In Step One.
5-Walk Up To Someone And Say "You Know, You Really Look Good Today..."
And When They Start To Say Thanx, Say "Except For That Fucking Greasy
Hair And Your Fat Fucking Nose!"
6-Walk Up To A Preppy Chick In A Large Group, And Say "I Hate Every Bone
In Your Body...Except For Mine!"
7-Walk Up To A Chick, Hand Her A Tube Of Clearasil And Walk Away.
8-Same As Number 7, Except Use A Can Of Slim-Fast.
9-Go Up To Someone In A Wheelchair And Lock A Bicycle Chain Around The
Spokes Of Their Wheels.
10-Go Into A Store Where They Keep Cigarettes Behind The Counter. Ask For
Two Packs Of Camel Kings Filters. If They Give You A Soft Pack Say You
Want A Box Pack, And If They Give You Boxes, Say You Want Soft Packs.
Then When They Start To Ring You Up, Say You Meant Camel Lights. When
They Give You Camel Lights, Ask If They Have Them In The 100's Size.
Then When They Ring You Up, Start Counting Out Nickles And Dimes From
Your Pockets, Making Sure To Dig Through All Your Pockets For Change.
Make Sure You Don't Have Enough To Buy Them. Say You're Sorry, But You
Don't Have Enough Money And Start To Walk Off. They Will Have To Do A
Bunch Of Shit On The Register To Delete The Order. Then When They Are
Finished, Say "Oh, Wait, I Found A Couple Of Dollars In My Wallet."
Ask For The Cigarettes Again, Being Overly Polite, And When They Are
Ringing You Up Again, Say "Damn...If I Knew That It Would Be This Hard
To Buy Cigarettes I Would Have Never Started Smoking." Then Pause For
A Second And Say "Well That Does It Then...I Quit. Sorry For All The
Time You Wasted." And Leave.
11-If You Are Driving And Happen To See A Cop A Block Or So Ahead Of You
When You Are At A Stoplight On A Two-Lane Road...And There Is A Sporty
Car Next To You... Start Revving Your Engine And Looking At Them Like
Like You Want To Race. When The Light Turns, They Peel Out And You Can
Just Sit There And Start Honking Your Horn To Get The Cop's Attention.
Laugh As You Drive By Them After They Get Pulled Over.
12-Walk Up To A Kid Outside Of An Ice-Cream Shop And Bump Into Their Ice
Cream Cone, Making Sure To Knock It Out Of Their Hands And Onto The
Ground.
13-Step #12 From Above, But This Time Just Walk Up And Take Their Cone
From Them And Start Eating It.
14-Step #13 From Above, But This Time Do It To An Adult.
15-Spraypaint Someone's Car Windshield.
16-Take Photographs Of Your Dick And Balls, And Tape Them To Restaurant
Windows Where People Are Eating.
17-Driving In A parking Lot, Wait For A Car With The Handicapped License
Plates To Pull In. Get In Front Of Them And Pull Into The Last Open
Handicap Parking Space. If There Is More Than One Space Open, Park The
Car Sideways So As To Take Up All The Open Spaces. Be Sure To Wave To
Them As They Stare At You.
18-Go To Someone's House And Peel All The Labels Off Of Their Canned Food
Items. Hide The Caps For The Toothpaste, Shampoo And Other Bathroom
Items. Unplug The Refrigerator. Piss On The Floor. Take The Batteries
Out Of Everything And Put Them In Backwards. Replace Incense Sticks
With Sparklers Left Over From The 4th Of July. Smear Something Slimy
On The Earpiece Of The Phone. Change The Prompt On Their Computer To
Say Something Like "Dave, You Are Such An Asshole C:\"
Take A Shit In A Peanut Butter Jar And Put It Back In The Cabinet. Get
One Sock From Every Pair And Hide It Somewhere. Remove The Strings Out
Of All Their Shoes. Detune Any Guitars Or Instruments They Have.
Unplug Every Electrical Device In The House Except For The Clocks That
You Set Forward Or Back By One Hour. Leave A Porno Mag In The Bathroom
With The Pages Open To The Centerfold And Squirt Some Jergen's Lotion
On It, Or Just Beat Off On It If You're In The Mood. Write The Name Of
The Guy's Wife Or Girlfriend On The Picture. Put Some Laundry In The
Dryer For Them, Only Add A Tube Of Lipstick To It. Go To The Furnace
If It's The Kind With A Pilot Light During The Summer, And Toss In A
Bunch Of Fireworks, Lady-Fingers, Bottle Rockets, M-80's, Roman Candle
Or A Combination Of All The Above.
19-Let All Of The Air Out Of Someone's Tires And Fill The Air Valve With
Super Glue. Tie Some Aluminum Cans Under The Car So They Drag The Road
When They Take Off. Get Some Power Rangers Stickers From A Vending
Machine At The Grocery Store And Stick Them On The Windshield And The
Bumpers. Super Glue The Windshield Wipers To The WIndshield And Change
The Wiper Fluid To Motor Oil.
20-Walk Around With One Arm Inside Of Your Shirt Instead Of Through The
Sleeve...Hang Your Arm As If It Is In A Cast. When Somebody Asks You
What Happened, Lift Up Your Shirt To Reveal Your Hand Flipping Them
Off. Ask Somebody To Borrow A Quarter For The Phone... When They Give
It To You, Just Drop It And Walk Away. Tell Somebody You Want To Call
Them Later And Ask For Their Number. Write The Number Down On A Piece
Of Paper. Then Ball It Up And Throw It On The Ground And Walk Away.
Last But Not Least, Just Walk Up To Someone At Random And Look At Them
And Say "Fuck Off."
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Another Fine Product Brought To You By The Corellian Trade Corps.
You'll Never Find A More Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villainy.
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