Cement, Thermite, and Other Fun Car-killers

by Fieldy

First off, this is for informational purposes only. Don't do this shit or someone'll fuck you up BAD.

Alright, someone pissed you off, of course, this calls for revenge right? Yeah, that's what I thought. So how do you exact revenge on the arrogant shit? Easy, kill his car. That Ford Probe won't be worth scrap when you're done with it, depending on how far you decide to take it.

I guess the harshest way of finishing off someone's car is by putting thermite on the hood, above the engine block, and setting it alight with some magnesium ribbon. This shit melts through ANYTHING! The combined reactions of aluminum oxidization, and iron oxide deoxidization result in a temperature upwards of 5600 degrees centigrade. Depending on how big of a pile you put on there, it should melt through the block fairly quickly, then quite possibly continue by making a brand-new pothole on the street.

Another good way is quite worthy of an anarchist's arsenal. You'll need a few things:

• Wheelbarrow
• 6 or 7 bags of cement (quick-dry)
• strong, sharp object (preferably a kitchen knife)
• tire jack
• water (you can probably use the victim's hose)
• heating element (optional)

Alright, you have all your materials, you're ready to make your victim pay. I would suggest taking the wheelbarrow over on foot, but whatever suits you. Put the jack underneath the car and start cranking, so that the tires are lifted off the ground.

Repeat this paragraph as needed. Slash the top of the tire, make sure it is done as quietly as possible. Now here's the fun part: Mix the cement with water in your wheelbarrow, and carefully start scooping the cement into the tire. It will take about one and a half bags of cement to fill a tire. If you have the heating element, place it under the tire to heat the tire up, and move the element all around the tire to heat all the excess water. Repeat on as many tires as you please.

The above "prank" is deadly to a car's transmission. If it does not blow when the victim revs his engine, then it will severely kill his gas mileage (maybe about half-mile per gallon), and reduce the acceleration speed from 0 to 60 to about 2 minutes. I would recommend this for heavy duty jobs ONLY!

This is probably my favorite one: The shaving cream bomb. This one can get a little pricey, and some of the materials are a little hard to come by. Be warned: This prank should be a last resort and is not always guaranteed to work.

Materials are as follows:

• 20-40 cans of shaving cream (make sure its foam, not gel)
• A large plastic bus-tub (tupperware storage tubs will do)
• Liquid Nitrogen
• Knife
• Heavy-duty insulated gloves
• Ability to open a locked car (without breaking a window)

Alright, first off, try opening the door (you'd be surprised), if its unlocked, this job is easier. If not, jimmy it open. Alright, take the liquid nitro and pour it into the tub. Make sure you have enough to fill the bottom of the tub with about 3 inches of the stuff. Now (WEARING GLOVES) dip a shaving cream can into the liquid nitro and let it sit in there from 30 seconds to a minute (you can do more than one at a time), now quickly jam the knife into the can and proceed to peel away the cover so you have pure, frozen shaving cream. Start throwing these into the car. Be quick in your work, you don't want the beginning ones melting and going off before you're finished.

As you finish the last one, close the door, do what you wish with the nitro, gather your shit up and bug out. The car becomes slightly pressurized with all the shaving cream melting. This will cause the windows to fog over so the owner won't be able to see inside his car when he goes out in the morning. When he opens up the car door, all the pressure escapes, the shaving cream literally explodes out (so try having the stuff thrown in the rear passenger-side seat). The inside of the fucker's car will be TOTALLED.

Have fun, go nuts, don't get caught!